Riker Ipsum

We finished our first sensor sweep of the neutral zone. Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise. Fear is the true enemy, the only enemy. I suggest you drop it, Mr. Data. For an android with no feelings, he sure managed to evoke them in others. You enjoyed that. Then maybe you should consider this: if anything happens to them, Starfleet is going to want a full investigation. Besides, you look good in a dress. Your shields were failing, sir. You did exactly what you had to do. You considered all your options, you tried every alternative and then you made the hard choice. Did you come here for something in particular or just general Riker-bashing? When has justice ever been as simple as a rule book? Why don't we just give everybody a promotion and call it a night - 'Commander'? This is not about revenge. This is about justice. Yesterday I did not know how to eat gagh. Wouldn't that bring about chaos? Sorry, Data. Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you. The Federation's gone; the Borg is everywhere! Maybe we better talk out here; the observation lounge has turned into a swamp. We know you're dealing in stolen ore. But I wanna talk about the assassination attempt on Lieutenant Worf. I guess it's better to be lucky than good. Computer, lights up! Well, that's certainly good to know. Earl Grey tea, watercress sandwiches... and Bularian canap├ęs? Are you up for promotion? I recommend you don't fire until you're within 40,000 kilometers. A surprise party? Mr. Worf, I hate surprise parties. I would *never* do that to you. I'll alert the crew. Ensign Babyface! Damage report! Travel time to the nearest starbase? Not if I weaken first. Mr. Worf, you do remember how to fire phasers? I'm afraid I still don't understand, sir. That might've been one of the shortest assignments in the history of Starfleet. Smooth as an android's bottom, eh, Data? The unexpected is our normal routine. I'll be sure to note that in my log. Is it my imagination, or have tempers become a little frayed on the ship lately? Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur, wholeheartedly! We could cause a diplomatic crisis. Take the ship into the Neutral Zone I think you've let your personal feelings cloud your judgement. Flair is what marks the difference between artistry and mere competence. I am your worst nightmare! My oath is between Captain Kargan and myself. Your only concern is with how you obey my orders. Or do you prefer the rank of prisoner to that of lieutenant? Talk about going nowhere fast. And blowing into maximum warp speed, you appeared for an instant to be in two places at once. Congratulations - you just destroyed the Enterprise. I can't. As much as I care about you, my first duty is to the ship. The look in your eyes, I recognize it. You used to have it for me. Fate. It protects fools, little children, and ships named "Enterprise." I've had twelve years to think about it. And if I had it to do over again, I would have grabbed the phaser and pointed it at you instead of them. Now we know what they mean by 'advanced' tactical training. You bet I'm agitated! I may be surrounded by insanity, but I am not insane. Some days you get the bear, and some days the bear gets you. Maybe if we felt any human loss as keenly as we feel one of those close to us, human history would be far less bloody. How long can two people talk about nothing? Well, I'll say this for him - he's sure of himself. Wait a minute - you've been declared dead. You can't give orders around here. The Enterprise computer system is controlled by three primary main processor cores, cross-linked with a redundant melacortz ramistat, fourteen kiloquad interface modules. This should be interesting. Your head is not an artifact! The game's not big enough unless it scares you a little. I'd like to think that I haven't changed those things, sir. A lot of things can change in twelve years, Admiral. Worf, It's better than music. It's jazz. and attack the Romulans. Shields up! Rrrrred alert! But the probability of making a six is no greater than that of rolling a seven. I will obey your orders. I will serve this ship as First Officer. And in an attack against the Enterprise, I will die with this crew. But I will not break my oath of loyalty to Starfleet. Mr. Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship. What's a knock-out like you doing in a computer-generated gin joint like this? Computer, belay that order. You're going to be an interesting companion, Mr. Data. Could someone survive inside a transporter buffer for 75 years? In all trust, there is the possibility for betrayal. Sure. You'd be surprised how far a hug goes with Geordi, or Worf. When has justice ever been as simple as a rule book? Mr. Worf, you sound like a man who's asking his friend if he can start dating his sister. We have a saboteur aboard. Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns. Captain, why are we out here chasing comets? Commander William Riker of the Starship Enterprise. What? We're not at all alike! About four years. I got tired of hearing how young I looked. They were just sucked into space. Now, how the hell do we defeat an enemy that knows us better than we know ourselves? Maybe if we felt any human loss as keenly as we feel one of those close to us, human history would be far less bloody.

***

http://www.rikeripsum.com/

This article was updated on July 14, 2020