Encomium of Day II¹

Messieurs Persiflage² and Boulevardier stormed away from the little fountain, as the dumbstruck company rose to further celebrate the Midsummer revels³.

But Lady Ouiser found them in the little orangery⁴ that belonged to Lord Cazzo at the opposite end of the estate, where, under the fading light of the day, they contemplated a little fountain in the middle of a parterre⁵.

‘If you have come to make us apologize, Madame, you should ask the ladies who insulted us to do so first.’

But Lady Ouiser said: ‘I am rather interested in what you know concerning this Matteo de’ Civigni⁶.’

Boulevardier rose first and bowed.

‘Madame, Her Royal Highness the Princess is wrong to believe that we would have aught to do⁷ with killing that man. But he was no saint, and this I think you know.’

‘I do, Monsieur. But you must concede that Her Royal Highness’s question is at least owed an answer.’

Then Persiflage rose.

‘That villain waylaid us, Madame, on our way to Colophon. As Monsieur Boulevardier here has an aged aunt there, we thought it meet⁸ to visit her and pay our respects following the end of our assignment in Paris. He and his band of criminal youths detained us at a crossroads in the wood under the pretense of asking for directions.’

‘I bear the blame for what occurred thenceforward⁹, Madame,’ Boulevardier said. Lady Ouiser was most puzzled by this, and at length, Persiflage said:

‘I will tell the Duchess, Boulevardier, and spare you the shame. Madame, this Matteo de’ Civigni—whose face matched that of the dead man—said: “It stands that I must ask you something, but I need to piss quite badly.” And Boulevardier, being courteous before being reasonable, replied: “I know the area well; let me show you the coulée¹⁰ where I pissed as a youth visiting my aunt.” ’

Boulevardier sighed deeply as Lady Ouiser blushed deeply and raised a handkerchief to her face.

‘All the while, these ragamuffins¹¹ looked upon me with blank expressions, Madame. And this Civigni character then asked how far his stream could go in terms of yardage¹², or some such measure, and challenged him to a wager.’

Boulevardier then said, deeply ashamed: ‘It was late, you must understand.’

‘Poor Monsieur Persiflage was admittedly blessed by Our Lord in other places physically and was, of course, not able to succeed in the wager, whereupon this man and his roving band of satyrs¹³ helped themselves to all that we had with us—our horses, food, water, rations, and arms—lock, stock and barrel¹⁴.’

‘We were left merely with our clothes—which, of course, he found not to his liking, the fiend!—and stranded until Your Ladyship arrived and saved us from the wolves¹⁵.’

‘But my dear sirs, you have yet to answer the question put to you.’

‘I will make an answer. That man had propositioned me¹⁶ several times after I had lost, saying that, as I was fair, and no one was looking, it would be enjoyable for both of us. I will say that a soldier, even in peacetime, surrenders neither his freedom nor his manhood easily. Even, Madame, if that means the return of his horse or his rations.’

‘You have chosen wisely, Messieurs. All the same, come and forget this insult. The ladies may have spoken too freely, but I wish for there to be peace while we are here, and cannot bear to do without your amiable company.’

So they began walking through the gardens to the house.

‘How did you know this Civigni, Lady Ouiser?’ asked Persiflage.

And just as she was about to tell them, Ser Colombo turned from a hedgerow and looked over.

‘I’d also like to know—beggin’ pardon, o’course,’ he said, tipping his hat to her.

She wavered for a moment before relenting.

‘In times past, when we sojourned here, he was a steward—a horseman¹⁷. He was no commoner, however. My late husband knew him and we were friendly to him. But a sinner oft hides his sins, and his was theft. In early November of last year—on the Feast of All Holy Relics¹⁸—my lady’s maid¹⁹ found him rummaging through my nécessaire²⁰ and the service box of my late husband, which always accompanies me and which contains his likeness²¹. Lord Cazzo said he would speak to the boy, but in the end I found myself short of two hundred florins²², much to my chagrin.’

‘Is that so?’ Ser Colombo replied, whereupon she nodded, and they went in to have supper and to hear some music.

In the evening, Persiflage came out on his balcony and saw Messer Cayenne and the Princess speak with some urgency at the gate that led to the lower garden. A light was brought out—in the direction of the wine cellar. And just behind the steward with the lamp were Lord Swiffer and his man Pringles.

Persiflage turned around and found Lady Lunesta at his door.

‘May we speak, Monsieur?’ she said.

The following afternoon, after a light luncheon and a pleasant walk to inspect the dairy, the company repaired²³ to the little fountain and thus began the Third Day.