in my nightmares i have panic attacks
and mental breakdowns and awkward interactions
mistakes i made staring right at me, as my friends look at me disapprovingly
and i can do nothing but cry
because even in my dreams i can't fold into myself

i used to not dream at all
and now my nightmares are vivid and real
and physical and raw and grotesque
and banal and deceptive
and real

it uses my lucidity against me
gluing my eyes shut, forcing me to wriggle around helplessly
walking me through a nightmare i already know
waking me up again and again and again, until i finally awake in a scream
checking my clock
to see two hours have passed