it's my second day out of treatment again, and i fucked up already... i was in treatment for 47 days after already having done a 40 day treatment in november of last year, 2016 i'm praying that i can change things for myself and prevent myself from repeating what i did today i'm afraid and excited and hopeful all at once
i had a bunch of dreams about living in a world where i was wanted and a world where i had none of the concerns of the life that i had today and whenever i have those types of dreams, waking up HURTS. it hurts to feel like everything around is inadequate. it feels bad to be reminded that whatever i do, i'm never going to feel right, i'm never going to feel at home, feel complete it's never going to feel right to me to be the way i am and there's nothing i can ever do about it and that's why i sleep so much because i'm hoping i'm going to have one of those dreams again just to be home for a little bit longer
if this is my one chance at living the life i want i'll be DAMNED if i let it slip away because i was TOO AFRAID TO EVEN TRY