10 september 2022

I think I first discovered the Fallout series about 6-7 years ago. I'll never forget how much the atmosphere of the wasteland sucked me in. I started off playing Fallout 3 around the time Fallout 4 came out, at the time I had no knowledge of New Vegas, and to be honest it didn't really matter as I was paying 0 attention to the story. I was mostly walking alone in the wasteland with swing music blaring in my ears, just soaking everything in. It felt magical.

I never finished Fallout 3 and it wasn't until this year that I would finish New Vegas, but I'll never forget the impression that first playthrough left on me, where I was just glued to my computer seat for hours upon hours on end just exploring around, killing ghouls and supermutants in the barren mazes of the Fallout 3 subway.

At the time I was pretty alone, I had a friend, but we didn't really talk too much, and I was used to spending most of my days randomly outside, just playing around with myself, alone. However that really didn't matter all too much to me as I was used it. My parents kinda wanted to help out here and there but I think even they realized that that's just uncomfortable, because I think at the age of 12 nobody should be setting up playdates for you. I guess that's why Fallout meant so much to me, because while I was unbothered by playing outside alone, it still felt crushingly lonely. This way being alone felt badass, you're meanest, toughest, roughest bastard in the wasteland and nothing can stop you while you're playing.

Nothing in my life could manage to replicate that first experience of turning on Fallout 3 and exploring around, until today when I booted up Skyrim for the first time... Immediately I was hit with that feeling of wonderment again, a genuine curiosity and a wish to explore. I was never the type of person that was overly into fantasy, I had watched LOTR and I've seen people play through games like The Witcher, but I could just never imagine myself indulging in such activities. Fuck me if that hasn't changed with this game.

Hours swept by and I didn't even notice, glued to my screen I could not stop playing. Everything was perfect, the soundtrack is just fucking MINDBLOWING, the ambiance and atmosphere of the entire game is just chillingly amazing and the color palette, while still a bit dull, is a technicolor explosion in comparison to Fallout 3 and New Vegas.

I guess this entire experience just brought me back to the period in time where I had my first contact with Fallout, and while I am doing better socially, I still feel that crushing loneliness that I had felt back then, and I am glad that I had found another thing to combat it.