2025-02-06
That one time I was traveling home to see my partner and I told them I would call them when I got on the plane. I missed my flight and ended up being delayed over 3 hours. They eventually called me to see where I was and I told them I hadn’t left yet. “I don’t know why you’re upset. I told you I’d call when I got on the Plane. Therefore since I haven’t called you, you should have known I haven’t gotten on the plane yet.”
That one time I decided to go sit in a dark bedroom by myself rather than socialize at a party with people I didn’t know. “I don’t want to talk to these people. I’m never going to see them again.” They were the family of one of my closest friends and I have seen them a lot over the ensuing years.
I constantly have to regulate my facial expression, volume and tone of voice, and body language when in public so I don’t come across as angry or rude.
Sensory sensitivity: I abhor the touch of certain kinds of paper and cardboard. Makes me want to jump out of my skin. I don’t leave the house without my earplugs, and I would rather be wearing noise canceling headphones even when just sitting alone in a quiet room. I can’t stand the feel of certain clothes and become angry about them: anything that hugs too tight around the edges like a turtleneck or basically anything with a cuff. As a kid I actually cut all the elastic bits out of all my clothes much to my mother’s chagrin.
Conversations, small talk, parties, and other social settings are all hard because I don’t know when I should talk or listen, and I struggle when a conversation has moved on but I still want to talk about the previous thing, and sometimes I can’t bring myself to talk even when it’s about something I’m really interested in.
I obsess over schedule and routine, and it manifests in the way I manage my calendar. I put everything on my calendar and fastidiously keep events up to date: will bump a calendar event 15 minutes if I’m running a few minutes late. To the extent that my partner eventually unfollowed my calendar and asked me not to invite them to new events because the notifications were too much. I keep my calendar this way both to let me know when things are going to happen, and also when they happened in the past. I have a really hard time changing plans, or when things don’t go the way I expect them to.