I would like to be a writer. Not necessarily a published writer, but just a writer. I want to write for myself, write here on this site, and write daily in Suno and let it disappear.
I have always had this feeling that I am not a good writer. Even if I'm not, I'm not trying to get published, I just want to write. It doesn't have to be good. I think the process of writing itself is what I'm really going for. It can be meditative and open myself up for more reflection.
On the other hand, if I don't write, I don't think about things. I just coast through the days without any reflection on what is going on in my life. I want to get to a point where I'm putting what I'm experiencing and feeling in words, and reflecting on it.
Probably most of what I write won't end up on this site, or even in my notebook. I'll probably do morning pages in Suno, and if anything feels like it belongs in my notebook or on this site, I'll move it over. That's how this post started.
It feels far-fetched, but it's also possible that as I work through my feelings of inadequacy, I may find myself to be decent at writing and then want to actually write something to get published. If that happens or if that doesn't happen, either way is good.