2026-10-17 (sat)
moved out, moved in. cousin saved my ass with his big trailer. it fit all my stuff. it was a 50 minute drive or so. i have not seen him in like probably a decade. i gave him money and an old record i assumed he would like. my dad does not give a fuck about me and told my mom i should fuck lmao. my mom helped and knew me cousin could help with his trailer.
the room has four windows facing south. it is on the ground floor and i don't have curtains yet, only those electric rolling shutters. it is on a busy crossing, the view, and everyone can look into my apartment if i turn on the light. it is interesting. the room is kinda proportioned like a classroom. long and windows on one side.
i like the town, it is like 5 times bigger than where i moved from. nightwalks are less weird and more fun here. it even has a train station. but i dont like its even farther away from munich. feels kinda spießbürgerlich here, but better.
my belongings
i am living on some kinda moon, maybe ganymede. so far i am the only person living there and i have the whole apartment for myself. on friday, one other person is gonna move in, and a third person might move in later, too. i don't know them at all, one of them i have seen for a few minutes, though, when we initally were shown the apartment. it's like a social housing kinda thing. right now i don't have a social worker anymore (i think?), but i think soon i will get a new one and they will visit me at the apartment like once a week to check how badly i fucked my shit up.
storage
i have a storage basement kinda space, which is cool. i put my Technics SL-BD20 record player there (in one of the boxes) as i don't have my mom's amp/cd-player & speakers anymore. not sure if i wanna sell all the record stuff, or try looking for a CD-player/amplifier, and speakers.
i hate the idea of owning many physical objects. i think it is satisfying not owning much. i lose track of things. it stresses me out. i think i don't even want to buy a bed. i like sleeping on the floor so far.
Ain't Got No, I Got Life
And what have I got?
Why am I alive anyway?
Yeah, what have I got
Nobody can take away?
Got my hair, got my head
Got my brains, got my ears
Got my eyes, got my nose
Got my mouth, I got my smile
I got my tongue, got my chin
Got my neck, got my boobs1
Got my heart, got my soul
Got my back, I got my sex
I got my arms, got my hands
Got my fingers, got my legs
Got my feet, got my toes
Got my liver2, got my blood
1: not really :(
2: i bought a 8 euro bottle of blended scotch at LiDL yesterday evening (2026-10-20) and put some into my coffee. maybe that's why i am feeling alright today. i got some more money with a little homo magick. i got much more from my grandma, like 120 euros, my mom relayed it to me, but it feels degrading.
disconnect
i don't have an internet contract yet. have to figure that out with the roommates once they move in, idea is to share a contract. for some reason, the cellphone reception in most of the apartment does not work reliably at all. sometimes i get reception once i open the window, or lie down on the floor, or turn down the shutters, or move to the kitchen, but it is not reliable. i also have not much mobile data left (have some 7 euro/month prepaid, i upgraded from like 3 GB per month to a like 7 GB plan). so i am writing this from the public library's wifi. it was closed on Sunday and Monday.
having to ration my mobile data all the time makes me want to find more small, text based websites. and make a tiny website myself.
near field communication
i already notified the goverment i moved. it is crazy with the new German ID card, it all works digitally, i could scan the ID-card with like my phone's NFC, so i did not have to show up for the communal office and stuff.
now
it is wednesday (2026-10-21) and i have so much to do, but instead im sitting @ the public library using the wifi and writing this. i posted an important letter. i smoked a cigarette i rolled (man i have been chain smoking since i have moved here, it is crazy bad, i had crazy cravings when i had run out of tobacco and bought a new one on monday). i put out the garbage. i showered. that kinda stuff. i also bought two little trashcans for the bathroom. and i bought a scented candle (apple-cinnamon).
i cant bring myself to actually furnish my room and unpack my stuff. not that i have any more furniture. or like at least get all my clothes out of the boxes. i need to get a closet or something soon and shelves and stuff but i hate buying non-consumable, (semi-)permanent stuff. i could go to the used furniture store, but it stresses me out. making decisions, owning things, committing to things.
i hate how little care is put into everyday objects. also clothes. like the thought of owning something i have to see and intereact with or wear every day, and it is just some tasteless inconvenient thing if i can't spend a lot of time, or lots of money, or lots of work (even though producing most objects is not really feasible for me). i wonder if thinking will be like the clothing industry one day. like making clothes is a hobby now. i don't like this.
today i also have to inject into one of my vastus lateralis muscles. i don't like intra-muscular injections so far. long and thick needles. i think i have drawn with a like 21 G and injected with a 23 or 22, i don't remember.
i need a stand for my keyboard. right now, i am practicing on the floor. it is kinda comfy but not good for my neck.
im so worried i will fuck this all up. getting along with strangers. not fucking up my shit all to badly. and so forth.
there is so much i could talk about, but(t)...