Heathen Joe

I've been enrolled in a Scrimba.com course since February. I was doing the work for a couple of weeks, but then I lost interest in it. I felt, and still do from time to time, like I shouldn't bother with it at my age(51). I wasn't even sure what I was trying to accomplish.

I realize, now, my age wasn't the main reason I quit. It also wasn't the political climate in the US, though it did, and still does, affect my mental health. The main culprit was always me.

I may go into more detail with this later, but, for now, I'll just say I have a "loser" mentality. I may have some lofty dreams sometimes, but when I hit some obstacle, I almost always withdraw and say "I guess it wasn't meant to be." I rarely pursue anything with determination and drive. I'm not saying this to belittle myself. I just noticed it more after visiting my brother. The way each of us went through life has been night and day. We both started out at the same level (I may have had more of an opportunity being in the Army), yet he has achieved more in his life than I ever will. He approaches challenges with the mindset of "there's got to be a way around this." I don't look at life that way at all. I understand the concept, but my natural reactions and behaviors take over and I don't try to take any more actions to overcome most things.

I want to get past this self-destructive behavior.

I'm back to working on my Scrimba course now.

Let's see what I can really accomplish.

-j

Just like the "drawer-of-good-intentions" in the fridge, I've neglected this page. I've promised myself to do something with it, and I've continuously let myself down.

The last several months have affected me in the worst possible way. With everything going on in the US, my desire to pursue any personal interest or hobby has fizzled away. I don't care much to do anything. I hope this step, here, is a baby-step to get out of this rut. I do want to go work out in the gym again, learn Spanish, and learn more about web-development. I want to tinker with stuff and learn something new.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do next, but I'm committing myself into taking some action to "get back on track."

I need this. There's are several things that will negatively affect me in the near future, and I need something to strive for, to get past them.

I hope everyone out there tries to remain open-minded, have a little patience with other people, and never allow their neighbors to be treated as disposable and/or irrelevant.

-j