Stimulants

Supposedly, I have ADHD. I say supposedly because the place I was diagnosed asked me 7 questions then sent me off with a script for some adderall; it wasn't the most thorough evaluation. But whatever. I took adderall for 3 days, before quitting because it simply spiked my anxiety too hard. I often felt like my heart was beating out of my chest, and while I was more productive, I was also way more prone to obsessive fixations.

I've never been a coffee drinker, but lately I've been trying out caffeine pills and caffeinated tea. The tea is always pretty mild; it only has a fraction of the caffeine of a coffee. The pills are 200 mg caffeine, so 1-2 cups of coffee. No matter which way I go, Adderall vs caffeine pills vs tea, the outcomes are inconsistent. On a good day, I turn into a superhuman productivity monster. On bad days, the caffeine makes me turn to my avoidant dissociative habits with unbreakable attention. On days like that, I can lose a whole day to youtube.

I think I've figured out what mediates that though, and it's kind of shockingly obvious now that I'm aware: sleep. If I get a good night's sleep (ideally plus some extra), I can take caffeine and power through my to-do lists. When I haven't slept, the anxiety spikes and dissociation occur. Trouble is, I'm not so good at sleeping.