tilde notebooks

by joe galván

the world is a circle without a beginning

and nobody knows where it really ends

everything depends on

where you are in the circle that never begins

(from a song by burt bacharach for the 1973 movie lost horizon)

this is simone weil

simone weil (1909-1943)

she was a christian mystic of immense spiritual depth, a convert from judaism, and is one of the most influential and important philosophers of our time

The struggle between the opponents and defenders of capitalism is a struggle between innovators who do not know what innovation to make and conservatives who do not know what to conserve

that says alot obviously about the way we live, and that's why i like her so much. 

evidently not about how awful life is, or 'supposed' to be and complaining about it gets you nowhere

life is a gift, it comes from a god who willingly empties himself out of the world we live for us to grow and expand and know him/her


god's love for us is not the reason for which we should love him; god's love for us is the reason for us to love ourselves.

i think if you can make an honest effort to at least love yourself on an everyday basis, to really cherish your life and your body in such a way that it honors not only your own parents but god –– if you choose to believe in one or not –– i think you can and will be a better person

i believe in love

not because i have to

not because it adds a significant dimension

to my emotional, sexual, financial or social life

i believe in love

because love is a moral and ethical obligation

to regard with compassion and empathy

the person or people who

make me feel the most uncomfortable

and challenge the basic assumptions

of what a loving act ought to be

will you love me tomorrow?

how will it all end, dear me, dear god?




JESUS (2008)

my name is joe galván and i am 30 years old

this is my tilde page where i write amazing things like this:



(cross yr eyes to see old ppl in 3d)


jean baptiste monnoyer (1636-1699), bouquet des fleurs dans une vase translucide

imagine if you will, the landscape of the french countryside on an early summer day in the 17th century. the world, as largely seen through the eyes of the painters who were active during that period, must have had intimate knowledge of the varieties of plants and flowers that grew in the sparse, empty fields that comprised much of western europe at the time, a century and a half before the industrial revolution

mind you, during this time, politically speaking, there was an atmosphere of near-constant religious and social upheaval, brought on by the dueling forces of the protestant reformation and the catholic counter-reformation, and of course the expansionism of imperialism and colonialism

paintings like these are deceptively complex. they possess a well of personal significance, not only in the language and the symbolism of the painting itself, but also in the very manner of the painting's composition itself.

i think a greater question is why make a painting of flowers? why make it meaningful?

paintings like these are repositories of traditional knowledge –– i'm not even talking about the manner or æsthetic of the painting itself, but rather the individual subject of the flowers. someone had to have known where these flowers would have grown. someone must have taken the considerable time and effort to collect these flowers, lay them out, place them in a vase ªwhich has its own story to tell, by the way) and make it so that these flowers would be presentable for monnoyer to paint them. the cultural masterpiece is not the painting, but the flowers themselves.

and since, by the way, there is a derivative origin for the flowers (i.e., the landscape of a particular place), the landscape is the real story behind this painting and others that are like it. because landscape is the only really concrete thing we can be acquainted with it (our language adapts to its presence and absence), the world in which this painting was created looked on tihs painting as confirmation not only of the significance of the landscape, but its ability to comment on, reaffirm, deny, negate or otherwise behold our own subjective viewing experience.

the world in which we live in is not that different from that of the mid 17th century, but we do not have the same intimate relationship with the land or what it can teach us.


she a go


rip rashad harden


because you can't have a hipster website without hipster houseplants

here is a listing of every single man i can recall having sexual intercourse with(i have wilfully omitted details to protect privacy)

emoji as cultural landscape feature

a love letter (eternal youth)

loneliness is pervasive

it inhabits us

defines spaces in our souls where our memories roam freely

wandering through the landscape of the past

obsessing over choices not made

or things not said

or places not visited

or faces seen or not seen again


the feel of someone's hand on a cold, rainy night

white sheets after a night in bed

haunt the dreamer

waking from the blue night of the past


how often i have tried to make a space for you

to etch out in this empty hollow world

a place where we could

walk among the roses

escape our responsibilities

abandon our frustrated hopes

and embark for the island of oblivion


i have looked for you in the sky

searched for your eyes while i walked

on an autumn day in the park

but finding nothing, i returned to my home

and i lie down on my bed


and dream of you returning to me

turning toward me in the middle of the night

to plant a kiss on my lips

there while the rain falls all around us


i can hear you talking to me

and i find myself responding to 

phantom conversations i imagine we'll have

if i ever see you again

i mull the words over and over

and can only think of how much i want to hold you again

in my arms


i wonder if what we had was even real at all



i cannot escape that memory

impressed on my mind

like the bluest of hours


i remember the first time i kissed you in the elevator

just after that lady got off

i wanted to kiss you all night

i remember the last time i kissed you there in the lobby of the ace hotel

i wasn't sure if you would come back to me like i said

i wanted you to

i still want you to

love letter #2

i deleted your number from my phone today, while i sat waiting for a bus ride home

i didn't want to, but i did anyway


i want to let you go

because i know you don't love me

i know that distance, in fact, is a factor

but i wanted to tell you in my own way 


that even if i never see you again



even if i never get to hold you in my arms

or kiss you in the rain like i did that one night

i will keep on remembering how that all felt



i'll console myself on days when nothing will fall into place

during the black nights of sound and death and violence and fury and terror

during the noons when the world doesn't make sense and there are awful people everywhere


on those days


i will make a conscious effort to love you and your memory,

to cherish that memory as if i experienced it yesterday

to hold you close within me and never let you go

to undo the world by smiling at it, because i'll be smiling at you


on those days

i will look at your picture, there on the iPhone screen

and i'll smile




i'll remember how good it was for the night i spent kissing your handsome face

and looking for you in the faces of strangers i passed by the day after

or trying to conjure the rhythm and stress of your voice

while observing tourists vie for passes at the airport


or take a walk through the city at the blue hour

and remember the softness of your hands when they embraced mine for the first time


i loved you then

as i love you now, nameless as you are, as you were then

i will love you into the future, as far as i can go, maybe even beyond that, when our bones are in fields and the fields turn to flowers and the flowers turn to ashes and the field turns to dust


i hope i find your eyes in the eyes of the men i'll meet in the future

and the same softness in the hands of other men whose hands i'll hold

i hope i find a good kisser like you were

i hope i can find someone who will love me as much as you did, even without saying it


and as much as i want to lose myself in the sea of your eyes

i want to live so that i can find little reminders of you


so that 40 years from now, when i am old or dead 

i can wake up and find you

right where you slept

smiling at me



telling me it was worth it





because it really was.



delphine's song to lancien from les demoiselles de rochefort, jacques demy (1964)

the reason why i like this film so much is because of its message and also because of its music –– the music is by michel legrand, who is famous for his lush scorewriting and his elegant chord progressions (remember the windmills of your mind?)

this scene depicts the breakup of the art dealer lancien with his long-time girlfriend delphine, who wants to leave town to escape to paris, where she can teach dance. he doesn't think it's an altogether good idea, so she does him a favor and breaks up with him first, in a spirited 6/8 piece in which she confesses that she feels pressured too much by his demands to cater to the pomposity of high society

now, mind you, this is a french village in the 1960s, and even though it was a fairly big village in 1964, there are still alot of small country elements to life there, so it would be perfectly understandable for delphine (who has been raised all of her life in rochefort) to just want to get up and leave, and this guy (lancien) is sort of a douche for saying 'no, bae, fuck that noise, i'm only emotionally available when there's money to be got'

or will i have to just understand that these people are a class unto themselves –– like those fabled brogrammers in s.f. that have tons of money to buy absolutely useless contraptions or go on meth-fueled vacations

i like to think of myself as delphine at times –– she knows bullshit when she sees it, she chucks it back at the guy giving it to her, and says, quite calmly 'later, bae' before meeting her sister for lunch. i wish breaking up were that easy

i bring up this particular film as an example of the rive droite, or right bank of parisian cultural life

everyone is somewhat familiar with the left bank, which is known for its experimentalism and its playfulness (typical characteristic of postmodern behavior à la derrida) –– the right bank, however is characterized by this cool, moderated, sophisticated elegance that the left bank attempted to aspire to but never really got to

a good example of this is cléo de 5 à 7 by agnès varda, which is actually one of the most amazing parables (in the sense of cautionary tale and morality piece) ever realized

the moral is, of course, about being 'present' –– self-aware, because life changes and we, we few who have the rare pleasure of experiencing it –– are both astounded and distrubed by its absurdity. 


lol and all of it filmed in crisp black-and-white film, makes for an especially intesting reading

anyway, i like to think of myself as bringing a little bit of that quiet, right-bank sophistication, and since most right-bank people either fell on the late-romantic, existentialist, neoromantic or postcolonial sides of the cultural/political spectrum (i have bits and pieces of all of these things in a lot of my own work as an author) i feel a lot of affinity with the styles and modes of thinking pursued in the right-bank oeuvre

do we have enough to be thankful for?


or are we just content with what we have, or are able to afford?

is no one asking the question


instead of

how much?


we buy costly things because we have been told by many other people –– people unknown to us –– that we cannot exist reasonably without the interposition of said things. in other words

we have no agency because it has been taken away from us by people in positions of authority, and the only way to regain a percentage of this power is to buy it back at an exorbitant price from the people who took it away from us in the first place.

the protestant reformation helped to bring about the demise of an undue ecclesiastical influence on regional politics, literacy, culture, economics, and social interaction however

the norwegian philosopher arne næss argues that the protestant reformation's reinterpretation of a centuries-old form of land management effectively prepared the road for capitalist incursion on the natural world. the protestant reformation stressed the use of stewardship over conscious care of the world, because of the bible's implicit statement (Gen 1:28 ff) for human beings to control the earth. the bible is clearly contradictory on whom the authority rests to exploit the earth, by the way

we now know with certainty that climatic change directly affected the outcome of the early modern period (ca. 1450-1750) in such a way that old institutions like the church could not effectively minister to the dire demographic, epidemiological, social and political consequences that took place during a short span of decades in the 14th and 15th centuries

(this is the famous hockey puck diagram that climate-change denialists have great issue with)

during this period the earth warmed up considerably –– extant evidence (documentary and visual) displays a great degree of activity in most of western Europe​

why cite obscure documentary references when we can look at art from the early renaissance for a clear indication of how human activity was shaped by this warm period

art from the 13th and 14th centuries exhibits a lightness and fragility unseen since the end of the roman empire, coupled with a careful reappraisal of the human body and its gracefulness

outdoor paintings are unusually rife with animal, plant and human activity that stresses a great degree of variation 

Gozzoli, Visitation of the Magi

languages respond, as well, to an increased amount of demographic movement as well as increase in literacy and education across the board –– the common misconception of the middle ages as a 'dark period' was propagated by enlightenment thinkers who placed a great deal of horizontal criticism on the heavily lax and worldy roman catholic political agenda –– this was anything but the case –– and although the church cannot be wholly exonerated from the atrocities committed in her name during the medieval period, we have to remember that the church was the primary conservator of many aspects of physical and material culture that would have otherwise been largely obliterated by an uneducated secular authority. 

the question remains for us whether the protestant reformation's focus on earth as resource abetted a nascent middle-class in obtaining the wealth and privilege of the nobility. i believe that land management patterns from pre-christianity already indicate at least some form of exploitation for capitalist reasons. the entire roman empire, for example, was based on this pre-free-market mentality coupled with a primitive form of colonialism

after several years of a cool, wet weather pattern europe sees some of the harshest winters known to history, these persisted until the very middle of the 19th century

​i believe we are currently enduring a period (entirely of our own causing, the Anthropocene), in which we are vastly consuming more than we can produce, continuing to utilize ancient forms of political theory to manage an inherently post-modern (post-post-modern) society entirely unsuited for this form of governance and using inhuman and barbaric methods to apply control and conformity to those who were not born to conform

i am reminded of a graffiti from the may 1968 riots in paris, france

the forest proceeds man

the desert follows him

most people, i will posit, are not so stupid as to ignore these facts: they are paralyzed by the distractions around them, held captive by money, sex, power, greed and fame

is tilde.town a form of internet land-use planning? a 'back-to-the-land' strategy for the facebookization of our lives?

no, tilde.town is just a website and we are just users, people who have a niche interest in the bespoke aspect of web 1.0. we all like .gifs and cat memes and we all like things that remind us of when those aol cd-roms came in the mail every other day and when there was such a thing as chat rooms populated with interesting people

some of us (most of us) want to be free from websites like facebook –- but we can't, because some aspect of our waking life (or jobs, our friends, our families, &c) are connected in such a way that it impedes our own decision-making process to remove oneself

facebook has admitted publicly that it inherently frustrates the account deletion progress to impede a mass exodus from the website –– these limitations on our ability to make rational decisions are examples of corporate interests removing our ability to be free. that is a human rights problem. when the state and the corporation are united in one sole purpose, that purpose is to exterminate human rights across the board.

the world has been largely left unrecognizable by the subtle and insidious intrusion of technology into our everday lives and social interactions


while this is not necessarily a bad thing, what it does is inherently undo our reliance on each other for support, emotional and otherwise

not, of course, to say

that the old ways were better

the old ways seems a little less jarring and uncomfortable, but the old ways are bad ways, as with what we have just seen done

instead of complaining 

let's do something about it

if facebook enables political groups like the tea party to post obama-as-monkey memes

(we should dismantle platforms for racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia –– things made for white people by other white people to continue the systemic oppression of traditionally marginalized groups)

question: what was the single most damaging thing told to us in the last 540 years? 

answer: the idea that people are little more than objects than can be bought or sold, exploited, used, thrown away, forgotten, exterminated, invalidated, killed, "disappeared", &c., with little regard for their inherent dignity and wholeness 

(rip mike brown)

i remember once having a conversation with a gay couple about the marriage equality effort. they were very adamant about the necessity of this particular piece of legislation to pass for it to be enacted as state law. they were very well to do, had  three big cars, art on the walls, everything you might imagine in, in a beautiful house in a predominantly white suburb of Portland, Oregon. 

i asked, 'how or why does it matter to me –– an l.g.b.t person of color –– whether or not i can get married? gay marriage will not put food on the table. gay marriage won't give me a good job. gay marriage won't make the neighborhood i live in any more welcoming if it's already full of gentrifiers and generally shitty people. i understand that you want this to happen because it feels like a necessary thing to do for human rights, but i have to ask, why make it just about you? why not make it about queer homelessness? or trans rights? or confronting racism in the gay community?'

their answer was pretty succinct: 'joe, the power to make the decisions rests with those who can shoulder the burden of making them. if you can't afford a house payment, then maybe you shouldn't buy a house. if you can't –– or don't want to –– get a good education, then maybe you shouldn't complain about equal access for college. if you can't teach yourself how to diet and exercise, then you shouldn't complain about gyms that can't accomodate you. obviously we have endured much to be able to get to where we are –– we both worked hard to get here, in some ways. we feel that there are some people in the community too focused on the specific issues in the gay community rather than the status quo. those people, i think, tend to be stuck on a negative feedback loop for most of their lives. a lot of them don't have the adequate mental capacity, i think, to handle a situation like this. we do, and that's why we're here.'

it took me a long time to understand that this was a colonizer's voice speaking to me and to almost everyone i knew, and this man was basically invalidating me and them before my very eyes.


I N T E R N E T   H E R I T A G E


est. 2014

has been listed on the

National Register of Historic Internet Places

for its ingenious use of primitive HTML and CSS in redefining the use and function of a webpage and reasserting the notion of personal expression in an advertising-dominated age

4 December 2014 


Even though we have something like the National Register of Historic Places here in the US, the very nature of the Internet would preclude preservation of historically or culturally significant websites. I guess something like archive.org works, insofar as preserving and safeguarding certain portions of the internet, e.g., 9/11 media coverage.

What constitutes 'patrimony' or 'heritage' on the Internet? 

There is a physical contribution to the notion of heritage: the original ARPANET computers that constituted the early internet are considered relics (many of them are marginally functional even now) have irreplaceable value in light of their enduring contribution to the physical Internet

Among the common heritage of the Internet is the following:

A good example is Fortune, a UNIX program that collates thousands of 'fortunes' from books, films, music, comics, history and popular culture. It is an excellent example of the collation of knowledge of Internet culture. 

It goes without saying that Fortune itself is a fairly spot-on depiction of some of the Internet's early users and developers. Anthopologically speaking it provides a wealth of information in determining the cultural space of Internet development and the cultural context involved in bringing the technology to the forefront of human development.

from Fortune:

Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer. "How's it going?", someone
asked him, after a few days.

"Not too bad", replied Diogenes. "I still have my lantern."n."

welcome to shade court

~vilmibm is a wonderful man

~vilmibm is a wonderful man

~vilmibm is a wonderful man

~vilmibm is a wonderful man

~vilmibm is a wonderful man

~vilmibm is a wonderful man

~vilmibm is a wonderful man

(everything is going to be ok, nate)


i have never harbored so much pride for something i created in my entire life


it's not about you

it's not about you

it's not about you

it's not about you

it has never been solely about you

nor will it continue to be about you

there are enough problems in the world that do not warrant your uneducated opinion

because of the dominance of a white, colonial, male, cisgendered, homophobic, theocratic majority we have been taught that opinions, especially made from bastions of white supremacy, have moral weight to them,

and that at no time are the opinions of any one person not belonging to any of the above classes inherently worth caring about;

but this is wrong

and we, the unspoken-for, have a duty and a right to forcefully deny attempts to erase our personhood;

no one need explain any one particular notion to any person unwilling to understand anything ––

therefore, i should not have to explain my anger, my righteous indignation, at the stupidities of capitalist existence

i do not have to justify my humanity to someone who cannot respect it

nor should i explain my conscience or my choices to someone unwilling to let it exist as it is

when will you learn that your understanding of my experience is not correlative to your opinion? 

your opinion, outside of a court of law, carries no inherent value –– not even from the notion of "democracy", which is not democratic, nor from the vague interpretations of a few lines in the US Constitution which ensures your god-given right to perpetuate error and ignorance

it's not about you

it's not about you

it's not about you

it's not about you

it is 2015 and our tilde pages are still here. 


i'm still around, i've just been busy :-)

i've gotten to meet ~vilmibm and hang out with ~um a great deal in the last month or so.

they're the first real friends i've had in a while –– 

i often feel like sometimes people don't want to listen to me or can't comprehend how or what i'm feeling at times. there are times in which i feel great –– i feel like i can relate to people, and then there were times likes december 2014 in which i felt depressed, forgotten, lonely. i walked around a lot. i ate a lot. i tried to forget my problems by throwing myself into work. even though i met some amazing people (my new friend nik, for example), i feel like i still felt like it wasn't the authentic person i am trying to be. 

i felt sort of neglected during christmas

i took a long walk and went to christmas mass at st. patrick's church in portland, oregon

while it was nice to go to church again i felt like i didn't have anyone to celebrate the holidays with –- and when christmas came i got nothing.

i keep on telling myself that my time here in oregon is supposed to be fulfilling and nurturing. i am becoming a warm, really accepting, really amazingly confident person. but i also have to remind myself that many people are not in the same boat i am in, and have to struggle with self-consciousness and the horizontal and vertical levels of oppression placed on them by society

i love my friends ~vilmibm and ~um, who i met on this website. they've helped to preserve my sanity and my sense of duty to others.

i'm trying not to feel lonely because i know that at least these people care about me

i just want more good things to happen.

a love letter from ~joe, on the occasion of tilde.town's 3 month anniversary

you most recently probably saw something on the Tilde Movement, say on Gizmodo:

note: none of this is true.

we aren't all hipsters*. i, being too large and not a white person with a disposable income, do not automatically qualify as a hipster!

and if you signed up for any website in the tildeverse with this very particular reason, then you are not contributing to the growth and spirit of the Tilde Movement.

tilde.town is four months old now –– it is in its cute puppy phase, in which it can inherently do no wrong (because it does not know any better) but yet still manages to find itself embroiled in messes it made, happened upon or blamed for

~ a reminder ~

tilde.town is all about...

the 3 Cs

(not to be confused with CS, an iteration of the Adobe™ Creative Suite)




i can tell you (just from living in Portland, Oregon) that the vast majority of people who either brand themselves as 'hipster' are either not hipster or so hilariously unaware of their own pretended arrogance and generally offensive behavior that the term seems like a fitting sobriquet –– tilde.town is not hipster, nor will it ever be, since being hipster requires a generous selling out to the corporate state as well as an artificial embracing of casual social justice issues mixed with a hearty combination of ignorance, narcissism and pretense

'but joe! i want to be cool and get talked about on Buzzfeed."

great. send ~vilmibm your RSA key, be honest, take a deep breath, and ask for help.


here are some general guidelines.

don't be a garbage person and sell your shit on tilde.

don't hack tilde.town.

don't sell data to the highest bidder on tilde.town.

generally, just don't do illegal shit on tilde.

don't be a racist, meninist, misogynist, transphobe, fatphobe, homophobe or generally an awful person.

make pretty things.

be yourself. it's 2015, 'catfishing' is a terrible, hurtful thing to do to people and it's not just for people who (continue?) to use AIM.

irc is a sacred space on tilde –– understand what netiquette means in IRC.

don't flood the chatroom with bot chatter.

don't abuse sysadmin powers, should you be given them.

the same goes for AUTH.

(as a formal means to an end, i am always intrigued by the beauty and subtlety of internet manners, by the way).

above all, be kind to one another and have fun.

~vilmibm has sweat many drops of blood for the good of the 20 MB or so of data he generously has apportioned out to us as a gift –– thank him with donations, offerings of undying love and devotion, and a variety of other favours and gifts worthy of his person


tilde.town is self-care

tilde.town will be there for you

tilde.town is your one-stop resource for information about the 1996 Gore-Clinton campaign contribution fund and how tax incentives can work for you through fiscal year 2000 Internet related beauty

so thank you,

*we're not hipsters, we swear to god.

do you like music?

what's that you say? yes?


i have a surprise for you.

commence tilde.town emoji sequence.sqf


she will never wake up - she will continue to be asleep whether you like it or not - she will continue to drift onward to a destiny out of your control, away from your corrupting influence, from the world that her corrupted her and you together, toward the end of the world which has no end, a thousand brilliant sunlit days in which the jacaranda trees gave off the scent of freshly fired ordnance and gunpowder and the lilac blossoms adorned the mainstreet of the capital of Angola

why couldn't we just hold on like we were supposed to - why did it happen to end the way it did?

a burger restaurant

the 405 

your cock in my hand under the bridge overpass

the tears in your eyes

the moonlight

you with your shirt off

you bathing in your dad's pool

you making love to me in a rainshower on the beach

us together

our broken hearts mended

tied together

by a solitary string

pulled from 

a roast

available from your local Safeway store for $1.95/lb


in my tiny pocket is a tiny man and this tiny man lives at the bottom of a lint sea

commence sallyjessyraphaelassault.sqf

in 1997 we were living in

a house on saint laurence lane, san francisco –– watching the sally jessy raphael show –– the topic was teens who confronted their cheating parents, naturally ––

mom said you were a bastard who never loved his children, i believed her, though now at age 30 i can forgive you

i forgive you dad, for being such a bastard

you did not know what you were doing –– or did you? –– did you know that coke kills? –– did you know that marijuana only cures like 40% of the symptoms associated with diabetes? ––

(pls cross yr eyes to see sally jessy raphael in 3d)

sexy makeovers do not exist

for example i once knew this bodybuilder –– i slept with him –– and he had taken up bodybuilding precisely because he was tormented as a child ––

i loved him because he was beautiful

he stripped, danced, took off his clothes for money

we had sex frequently

one morning he said to me

'i don't feel sexy, i feel gross and ugly and i feel like no one will ever love me again'

'love me joe'

'why can't you love me more'

i gave this man seven years of love, i gave up my house, money, just to be with him

i moved on,

and then one day i found out he jumped off a bridge in san francisco

right after his then-boyfriend dumped him at a circuit party

he literally travelled straight from the party to the bridge, took some pills to numb the pain, and jumped off

i was celebrating my birthday when i heard

his mother call me, and she said,

'joe, he's gone'

this is why

sexy makeovers rarely, if ever, work

sally jessy raphael

sally jessy raphael

sally jessy raphael

is a conjuration of all the absurd beauties of the world

sexy drag queens or bodacious boys?

teen moms too young to give birth

today, on

and now a word from kim kardashian <3




email: joe@daelis.com