~kindrobot@TTBP



13 december 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Ouch, I was down for the count, consumed with my depression and anxiety, unable to see a clear path out. It turns out part of the equation for sustainable living, will come through love in my relationships. If I focus on nourishing my relationships, that they will sustain me and lead me to an abundant life.



12 december 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

In the past I have sought novelty and desire and become restless and resentful when boredom set in. This happened with relationships and jobs especially. When the newness wore off, I looked for a reason to bolt.

Some of this has caught up to catch me even now. I left my team at Wikimedia when something happened that I disagreed with rather than sticking with it with patience, jumping quickly into a new role without the safety net of the old team overwhelmed me and now I have to accept the consequences, rest, relax, and prepare for what's next.

The Lover's encourage me to see what inspires me and make sustainable connections to those things (be it people, roles, hobbies). I am reminded that tinkering with computers is something that gets me excited and my relationship with my partners noureshes me. Resting in those for a bit may help me gain back my fortitude.



10 december 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

I have reached material stability by harnessing my instincts for focused action. Sometimes I've called this "failing up", but regardless, I have worked hard and dilligently applied myself to most jobs I've had, and its gotten me to a place where I can rest and share my wealth.

Though I won't stop here, and the future is a little cloudy, especially with my ongoing depression episodes. I need keep a level head, be disiplined in my routines, rely the knowledge of professionals to continue on to more success and stability.



29 november 2023

Affirmation

I love others well. I am loved. I am worthy of love.

Gratitude

Tarot

Six of Cups

Though right now feels tumultuous with depression, anxiety, work, etc. My relationships will help sustain me. Tending to them selflessly will bring me joy and help me reflect on the good things I have.



28 november 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Wheel of Fortune VII Pentacles IX Pentacles

Past: Wheel of Fortune

The past has been marked with change, and sometimes resistance to that change has rendered tumult. Though an honest appraisal also shows that the general trajectory has been good because I've adapted to change and thrived.

Present: Seven of Pentacles

Materially, I am at a place where I am stable. My health is good, my finances are good, my job is good. I am not done. There is still work to do, but I can stop for a moment and admire where I've come.

Future: Nine of Pentacle

A suggestion: there is prosperity in my future as, but I need to tame the falcon first. I think the falcon represents my depression and anxiety. I've let them run the show in the last few years. While there is some parts that are out of my control (you really can't control a falcon completely), it is in my power to tame and harness it and thus be able to reap the bounty around me.



27 november 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

General past, present, and future reading

The World The Star VIII Swords

Past: The World

From the beginning my life was marked by change. I would change where I lived, how I provided for myself, my gender, my country. My life is marked by change, all of which has taken me on an upwards trajectory

Present: The Star

I'm currently in the midst lots of revelations that are bringing me inspiration: a project I'm leading at work, a change in how I engage in relationships, and how I will reach my goals of having kids. I can accept that this is the end of dark times.

Future: VIII of Swords

Anxiety, depression, and the rumination that comes with them blind me from the tools that I have in front of me.



23 november 2023

Gratitude

A Prayer

Help me not royally fuck up today. Help me find joy in the tasks that need doing. Help me do the right things.



16 november 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I am tired today. How can I direct my energy to be helpful to others yet sustaining of myself?

Pull

Six of Cups Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |                   |
    |                   |
    |                   |
    | .✿.               |
    | \_/               |
    |  o   _/\_         |
    |  |  ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)  ___   |
    |     |-- .✿.(•ω•)  |
    |     \   \_/ |  |  |
    |     |\___3  |  |  |
    |     |    |  |~~|  |
    |                   |
    | .✿.  .✿.  .✿. .✿. |
    | \_/  \_/  \_/ \_/ |
    |  o    o    o   o  |
    |  |    |    |   |  |
    |                   |
    |        VI         |
    `-------------------´

Reading

ChatGPT

The Six of Cups when reversed often suggests a disconnection from the past, nostalgia, or possibly being stuck in bygone times. It might also indicate an imbalance in giving and receiving. Applied to your question about directing your energy in a way that is both helpful to others and sustaining for yourself, especially when feeling tired, this card suggests a need to reevaluate how you're distributing your energy between your own needs and the needs of others.

Given your current state of fatigue, it might be wise to first focus on self-care and rejuvenation. The Six of Cups reversed can indicate that you're possibly giving too much to others while neglecting your own needs. Remember, helping others effectively often starts with ensuring that you're well and balanced yourself.

In terms of helping others, consider simple, heartfelt gestures that don’t demand much energy but are meaningful – like offering a listening ear, sharing a fond memory, or sending a thoughtful message. These acts of kindness can be deeply impactful yet don't require extensive physical or mental exertion.

Overall, the card is encouraging you to find a balance where your kindness towards others doesn't deplete your own reserves. Take time to nurture and replenish yourself, so that when you do offer help to others, it's sustainable and not at the cost of your own well-being.



13 november 2023

Gratitude

Tarrot

Question

What activities should I do with my free time this week?

Pull

Death Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |       XIII        |
    |           ______  |
    | ~.___    // ✿  |  |
    |  (X.x)  // ✿ ✿ |  |
    | / |||  //~~~~~~|  |
    | |   \_//          |
    | |  \__3 @@@@/\@^  |
    |_(  |--@@@    o |  |
    |  \ \  `,   /\| |  |
    |   \ \  `,.)  (.|  |
    |____||   )/        |
    |    |_> \\         |
    |      \ /\\        |
    |      //  \\       |
    |      || D/        |
    |      ||           |
    |-------------------|
    |      ɥʇɐǝp        |
    `-------------------´

Resistance to change, personal transformation, inner purging

Reading

ChatGPT

The Death card in tarot, especially when reversed, often symbolizes resistance to change, personal transformation, or an inability to let go of outdated habits or ideas. In the context of your question about how to spend your free time this week, this card might be suggesting that you're holding onto routines or activities that no longer serve your best interests or personal growth.

Given this interpretation, it might be beneficial to explore new activities or hobbies that you've been hesitant to try. This could be an opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and engage in something that challenges you in a different way. It's about embracing change, even in small doses, and allowing yourself to grow and evolve through new experiences.

Alternatively, the Death reversed card could also mean that it's time to revisit old interests that you've put aside. There might be hobbies or passions from your past that you've neglected, and now could be an opportune time to rekindle them.

In essence, use your free time to either break new ground or revisit past interests with a new perspective, aiding your personal growth and bringing a sense of renewal to your leisure time.



09 november 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How much should I be putting away each month for retirement?

Pull

Seven of Wands Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |                   |
    |    *              |
    |     \             |
    |    /3\  ____      |
    |   //__\( >_<)     |
    |  /___  \   /      |
    |      \  \  \      |
    |       \  \  \     |
    |    *      \_/     |
    |   /     *  \ *    |
    |  /       \  * \   |
    | /  *      \    \  |
    |/   |  * *  \    \ |
    |    |  | |   \    \|
    |    |  | |    \    |
    |    |  | |     \   |
    |    |  | |      \  |
    |        VII        |
    `-------------------´

Exhaustion, giving up, overwhelmed

Reading

ChatGPT

The Seven of Wands reversed suggests feelings of being overwhelmed, succumbing to challenges, or a need to reassess one's current position. When it comes to financial planning for retirement, this card might be indicating that you're either overextending yourself or not standing your ground on your financial plans.

The card advises you to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Are you putting away so much that it’s causing you stress or preventing you from meeting your current needs? Or conversely, are you not asserting yourself enough in your financial planning, perhaps not committing to a retirement plan as you should?

Finding a balance is key. It's important to save for retirement, but not to the point where it significantly diminishes your quality of life now. A sensible approach would be to evaluate your current financial situation, considering your income, essential expenses, and lifestyle, and then determine a realistic amount that you can save without feeling overwhelmed. It might also be wise to consult with a financial advisor to establish a plan that is ambitious yet sustainable, tailored to your long-term financial goals and current economic situation.



31 october 2023

Gratitude



30 october 2023

Values

I was given the assignment to list some of my core values. Here's a draft:

Gratitude

Tarot

I'm pulled between doing some more technical stuff for the team planning and helping the team with some planning, product manager type work. What's the best way to serve the team?

Pull

    .-------------------.
    |         VI        |
    |                   |
    | /W\  {ooooo}  /W\ |
    |    \_(*˘ω˘*)_/    |
    |   ╰(  \   /  )╯   |
    |    /   -o-   \    |
    |   {           }   |
    |  ___ ♡     ♡ ___  |
    | (°з°)   ♡   (°ε°) |
    | /()()\/   \/|_|_|\|
    |  \ /         \ /  |
    | (( |         | )) |
    |  |||         |||  |
    |  |||         |||  |
    |  b b         d d  |
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    |    sɹǝʌol ǝɥʇ     |
    `-------------------´

Self-love, disharmony, imbalance, misalignment of values

Reading

Stef

This week will continue to feel a bit topsy-tervy. With different people trying to get different things out of the team. You will likely work on that pet project, and in the short run, the team may feel a little imbalanced because of it. Though it might pay off.

ChatGPT

The Lovers reversed often speaks to misalignment, disharmony, or a need for reevaluation in relationships or decisions. In the context of your question, this could indicate that there might be a disconnect or misalignment in your team's current workflow or roles.

Given this, it seems like stepping into a planning or product manager type role might be more beneficial at this time. By doing so, you could help bring clarity, direction, and better alignment to the team’s objectives and tasks. This role allows you to foster better communication, help in decision-making, and ensure that everyone on the team is on the same page and moving towards a common goal.

Technical tasks are undoubtedly crucial, but the card suggests that there might be a more pressing need for guidance and coherence in the team’s approach and planning. Therefore, focusing on the planning and product manager-type work may serve as a way to resolve misalignments and create a harmonious and more efficient team environment.



25 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I'm still feeling out of sorts. What's the best way to navigate the day at work, with my friends, and with my team?

Pull

    .-------------------.
    |                   |
    |           .____ . |
    |          /       \|
    |         ✿✿     ✿✿ |
    |    ・*:・  ^*^*^ || |
    |   (/  \) (◕ @\ || |
    |  {-\  /-}/_/ ) || |
    |     ||_ /   /| || |
    |     EE_____/ | || |
    |    ___/      | || |
    |   (  (  __  /  /  |
    |   |  | /   /| /   |
    |   |  | |  / |     |
    |   |  | |  \ |_____|
    |  /         \      |
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    |   Queen of Cups   |
    `-------------------´

Compassionate, caring, emotionally stable, intuitive, in flow

Cups - emotion

Queen - creative expression of power

Reading

Remember that the team is working on your idea at work. A thing that came out of your head! Lead the team with compassion and care and allow yourself to get into a flow state of progess towards the team's goals.



24 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How do I be an effective leader and co-worker today?

Pull

Ace of Pentacles Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |                   |
    |    .--------.     |
    |  .´    /\    `.   |
    | /_____/__\_____\  |
    | |`-. /    \ ,-'|  |
    | |   /-.  .-\   |  |
    | |  /  ,`'.  \  |  |
    | *\/,-'    '-.\/*  |
    |  *'.,_______,.` * |
    |   *  *  *  *  *  *|
    |    *  *  *  *  *  |
    |     *  *  *  *  * |
    |      *  *  *  *  *|
    |       *  *  *  *  |
    |        *  *  *  * |
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    |  sǝlɔɐʇuǝd ɟo ǝɔɐ |
    `-------------------´

Lost opportunity, lack of planning and foresight

Reading

Because of your vaccine induced sloth yesterday, you are running behind and might be playing catch up. It might feel like you've lost or are losing an opportunity. Be prepared for such set backs. The promise of the Ace of Pentacles, is that your time will come around again.



20 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How should I approach the day?

Pull

Page of Swords

    .-------------------.
    |                /\ |
    |               / / |
    |       *{:・}゚ / /  |
    |       (◕‿◕) / /   |
    |       /~*~\4--4   |
    |       | \ / 33    |
    |        \ V /V     |
    |         >--@      |
    |        /    \     |
    |       /      \    |
    |      :--------:   |
    |       //   ||     |
    |      //    ||     |
    |     //     ||     |
    |    od      bd     |
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    |  Page of Swords   |
    `-------------------´

New ideas, curiosity, thirst for knowledge, new ways of communicating

Reading

Today is a good day for creative thinking and learning, also for thinking of ways the team can work together.



19 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

It seems like a lot of opportunities have popped up for me to make connections with other people. My mood seems to be leveled out, so I'm wondering if it's wise to pursue to human connections, or focus inward instead.

Pull

Three of Pentacles

    .-------------------.
    |        III        |
    |    /         \    |
    |  ./    .-.    \.  |
    | /     ( ☆ )     \ |
    |/    .-.`-´.-.    \|
    |  /\( ☆ ) ( ☆ )/\  |
    | /--\`-´   `-´/--\ |
    |/___ \  (✿)  /    \|
    |(._.) \ /△\ /_ __  |
    |\   //d\\▽//..(_.) |
    | \ /\/  ---/--/  | |
    | / \    | p__/   | |
    ||___|   | |      | |
    | |||    | |\     | |
    | |||    | | \    | |
    |  bb    | |  \   | |
    |        | |   \__| |
    |        | |    dd  |
    `-------------------´

Teamwork, collaboration, learning, implementation.

Reading

Focus on connections with whom you can collaborate with, build with, or learn something from. While this may be new people, it is likely that you will find deeper connection with your partners, friends, and teammates.



18 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I have a friend who is having a hard time at work, and I'm afraid management isn't giving them a fair shake. What's the best way to support them?

Pull

Five of Wands

    .-------------------.
    |     *   V         |
    |     |             |
    |     |        *    |
    |     *()      |    |
    |   *  \|_     |    |
    |   |   \      *()  |
    |   |   /\      \|/ |
    | ()*  /  \      /  |
    |\|/            /\  |
    | \      *   * /  \ |
    | /\     |   |      |
    |/  \    |   |      |
    |      ()*   *()    |
    |     _|/     \|/   |
    |      /       \    |
    |     /\       /\   |
    |    /  \     /  \  |
    |                   |
    `-------------------´

Conflict, disagreements, competition, tension, diversity

Reading

Stef

There is going to be disagreement, likely between you the friend, and management. You'll be brought into tension as you'll try to apply your values to the situation. Remember and remind others that there is value in diversity of thought and skills. Be prepared for an outcome that you may not agree with.



17 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

As energy is coming back. How do I strike the balance of alone and social time sustainably?

Pull

The Three of Swords

    .-------------------.
    |        III        |
    |                   |
    |                   |
    |         +         |
    |  +      |      +  |
    |   \___, | ,___/   |
    |  /´\   \|/   /`\  |
    | |   \   |   /   | |
    | |    \  |  /    | |
    |  \_           _/  |
    |    \_       _/    |
    |      \_   _/      |
    |       /\./\       |
    |      /  |  \      |
    |     /   |   \     |
    |         |         |
    |                   |
    |                   |
    `-------------------´

Heartbreak, emotional pain, sorrow, grief, hurt

Reading

Stef

You still have some wounds that need healing, so don't just go full steam ahead into extroversion. Take time to heal and build an even stronger foundation. It's OK if you relapse into sorrow and maybe even some depression, because you're making a safe environment for yourself.

AI

The Three of Swords often represents heartache, separation, and sorrow. In the context of your question about balancing alone and social time, it suggests that there might be some emotional challenges or past hurts that are influencing your current state of balance.

Considering this card, it might be beneficial to allow yourself sufficient alone time to process and heal from any emotional discomfort or turmoil. This isn’t about isolation, but rather giving yourself space to reflect and understand your feelings better. However, be cautious not to dwell excessively on these emotions during your alone time; use it also for activities that nurture and soothe you.

In terms of social interactions, choose quality over quantity. Engage in social activities that feel supportive and understanding, avoiding situations that might amplify feelings of sadness or conflict.

Striking a balance means gently reintegrating social activities that are uplifting, avoiding overcommitting, and allowing flexibility to retreat when needed for self-care. Prioritize connections and activities that bring comfort and joy, helping in the healing process, while gracefully giving yourself permission to step back when emotional tides are high.



16 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

This week, I'll have the choice between helping my team directly (i.e. coding) helping through leadership (i.e. design & backlog work), or helping other teams. How should I split my time?

Pull

Ace of Wands Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |     *  *          |
    |      *( ) *       |
    |     * | }/        |
    |     * | |   *     |
    |      \{ |   __.   |
    |       | | .( _).  |
    |    *  | / ( ( _)  |
    |  *    || * \ __ ).|
    |      _|p.   (_  _)|
    |     ( |\ \   (  ))|
    |     (\_d  )--/ __)|
    |     (\_d____(_)   |
    |     (\_d ._(_  )./|
    |       || (__ _)_) |
    |       **   (__)   |
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    |    spuɐʍ ɟo ǝɔɐ   |
    `-------------------´

An emerging idea, lack of direction, distractions, delays

Reading

Stef

The ideas of the project are still emerging. Focus your efforts on helping the team find their own directions (it's OK if it feels a bit like meandering). It will probably be best to focus on leadership activities, but don't try too hard to drive a specific outcome.

AI

The Ace of Wands reversed suggests that you might be feeling some uncertainty or a lack of motivation in taking on a new beginning or pursuing an opportunity. Given your question, this could imply that diving directly into a new task such as coding might not be the most fruitful approach this week. Instead, this card encourages you to reconsider where your energies would be most valuable.

Considering the choice of leadership roles like design and backlog work, it seems like this might be a space where you could find a more structured and effective way to contribute. It allows for planning, organizing, and setting a clear direction, which might help in alleviating feelings of uncertainty. Helping other teams could also be a viable option, but the priority might be to ensure that your direct team has a clear vision and plan moving forward. So, in conclusion, focusing more on leadership activities like design and backlog work seems like a strategic choice for this week.



13 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I feel fragile. Yesterdays in the morning I was feeling depressed, and in the evening I felt almost manic. Today I'm in the middle? I feel like a ship that just got through a storm and is unsure if it's in the eye or out of the storm completely. How should I navigate the metaphorical waters today?

Pull

Eight of Cups

    .-------------------.
    |        VIII       |
    |                   |
    |   ,-,-.           |
    |  / (◕ω◕\          |
    |  \ {   /          |
    |   `-`-´     _     |
    |            ( )__b |
    |           (  ( /| |
    |           /  \/ | |
    |          /___/  | |
    |           //b     |
    |  \_/ \_/  b  \_/  |
    |   o   o       o   |
    |   |   |       |   |
    |\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/|
    | o   o   o   o   o |
    | |   |   |   |   | |
    |                   |
    `-------------------´

Disappointment, abandonment, withdrawal, escapism.

Reading

Stef

It's ok today to withdraw and escape. You'll feel like your abandoning your post and disappointing those around you, but you're really recouping your strength, so that you can accomplish your goals next week.

ChatGPT

Eight of Cups in tarot typically signifies walking away or abandoning something that no longer serves you. It’s about leaving behind a situation, relationship, or emotional state that doesn’t bring fulfillment or happiness. Even though the cups are neatly stacked and seemingly in order, the figure in the card chooses to walk away, indicating that sometimes it's necessary to let go even when there's emotional investment involved. This may relate to your current emotional state where you're feeling fragile and are going through different emotional phases.

Navigating through your metaphorical waters today might involve some reflections and decisions, considering the message from the Eight of Cups:

Reflection:

Inner Journey: Contemplate what has been causing your emotional unrest. Is there something in your life - a habit, relationship, or situation - that is not serving your highest good and could be contributing to your emotional ups and downs?

Emotional Inventory: Take a moment to deeply reflect on your emotional state without judgment. Be honest with yourself about your feelings and try to identify any patterns or triggers.

Decision:

Choosing to Walk Away: Sometimes, walking away from what doesn’t serve you could be an essential step towards emotional healing and stability. It might not necessarily mean physically leaving a situation but could represent emotionally or energetically releasing something that is detrimental to your well-being.

Seeking Fulfillment: Explore what truly brings you a sense of fulfillment and joy. Shift your energy and focus towards those aspects of your life, ensuring that your actions and decisions are more aligned with what genuinely nurtures your spirit.

Emotional Management:

Find Stability: Seek ways to ground yourself and find stability amidst the emotional storm. This might involve implementing daily practices that promote peace and emotional balance, like mindfulness, meditation, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.

Express Yourself: Find a safe and constructive way to express your emotions, such as through journaling, art, or talking to someone you trust.

Seek Support:

Professional Help: Given the fluctuations in your emotional state, consider reaching out to a mental health professional who can assist you in navigating through this tumultuous period.

Community: Connect with friends, family, or a supportive community that can provide a safe and nurturing environment for you.

Remember to navigate these waters gently, acknowledging your feelings and practicing self-compassion. It's vital to take actions and make decisions that prioritize your mental and emotional well-being. This metaphorical journey of navigating through the emotional waters might bring challenges, but with mindful approaches and support, you'll find your way to calmer seas.



12 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

The emptiness has turned into depression, and now I'm facing doing my normal activities including leading a team while going through a depressive episode. How do I show up while still taking care of myself?

Pull

Eight of Cups Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |                   |
    |   ,-,-.           |
    |  / (◕ω◕\          |
    |  \ {   /          |
    |   `-`-´     _     |
    |            ( )__b |
    |           (  ( /| |
    |           /  \/ | |
    |          /___/  | |
    |           //b     |
    |  \_/ \_/  b  \_/  |
    |   o   o       o   |
    |   |   |       |   |
    |\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/|
    | o   o   o   o   o |
    | |   |   |   |   | |
    |                   |
    |        VIII       |
    `-------------------´

Trying one more time, indecision, aimless drifting, walking away

Reading

Self

Look, it feels like you're drifting and that you're trudging through water, but you've got it in you to try just for today to keep pressing on. It is OK if you feel aimless today. You showed up.



11 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How do I know when I've achieved work-life balance?

Pull

Page of Swords

    .-------------------.
    |                /\ |
    |               / / |
    |       *{:・}゚ / /  |
    |       (◕‿◕) / /   |
    |       /~*~\4--4   |
    |       | \ / 33    |
    |        \ V /V     |
    |         >--@      |
    |        /    \     |
    |       /      \    |
    |      :--------:   |
    |       //   ||     |
    |      //    ||     |
    |     //     ||     |
    |    od      bd     |
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    |  Page of Swords   |
    `-------------------´

New ideas, curiosity, thirst for knowledge, new ways of communicating

Reading (ChatGPT)

The Page of Swords is a card of curiosity, communication, and mental energy. In the context of your question, this card suggests several key insights:

Constant Learning and Adaptation: Achieving work/life balance might require you to be ever-curious and adaptable. Just as the Page of Swords is eager to learn, you might need to keep seeking information and strategies that can help you find the balance you're striving for.

Clear Communication: One of the main tools to achieving this balance is clear communication. If you're feeling overwhelmed or need time off, communicating these needs effectively to peers, superiors, or family members will be crucial.

Awareness of Surroundings: The Page of Swords is known for being alert and aware of his surroundings. In the context of work/life balance, this can translate to being aware of the signs your body and mind are giving you. Are you feeling constantly fatigued? Stressed? Anxious? These might be signs that the balance is off, and adjustments are required.

Challenges Are Inevitable: The rocky terrain in the card can be symbolic of the challenges you'll face in achieving this balance. It's a journey, and there might be obstacles along the way. However, with a sharp mind and proactive approach, you can navigate these challenges.

Initial Steps: Pages in tarot often indicate beginnings or early stages. Achieving true work/life balance might be a process, and you're perhaps in the initial stages of understanding or attaining it. It's a reminder to be patient with yourself and to keep striving for that equilibrium.

Conclusion: To know you've achieved work/life balance, maintain a curious and adaptable mindset, practice clear communication, stay attuned to signs from your mental and physical well-being, and understand that this balance is a journey, not a destination. Over time, as you grow and learn, you'll find the harmony you're searching for. The Page of Swords encourages you to approach the quest with keen observation, open communication, and resilience.



10 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I'm feeling empty returning to work. How do I lead the team?

Pull

Five of Pentacles

    .-------------------.
    |         V         |
    |   ||\      /||    |
    |   ||/*(☆ )*\||    |
    |   ||\__/\__/||    |
    |   ||(☆ )(☆ )||    |
    |   ||\__/\__/||    |
    |   ||(☆ )(☆ )||    |
    |   |/___\/___\|    |
    |               ___ |
    |    ___      /(⇀_⇀)|
    |   (¬.¬)   _/vvvv/ |
    |  /\vv|\__/vvvvv/  |
    | //vvv/-/vvvvvv/   |
    | \\vv/ /vvvvvv/    |
    | /evv\ |vvvvv/     |
    |/vvvv| |vvvv/      |
    | b vv|  b vv|      |
    |     b      b      |
    `-------------------´

Financial loss, poverty, lack mindset, isolation, worry

Reading

If you continue full steam ahead, you'll wind up in a bad place. The help you need is closer than you think. Stop, rest, recharge in safe harbour before venturing out into the cold, unforgiving outside.



09 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I'm feeling energy debt today, like I ran the tank past empty to host the polycule Thanksgiving. I still have plans today (AA Thanksgiving), a busy workweek, and some dates planned. What can I do to prevent a burnout leading to a depressive episode?

Pull

Six of Wands

    .-------------------.
    |         VI *      |
    |           _|_     |
    | * *      (*|*)    |
    | | |    *  -|-   * |
    | | |     \  | *  | |
    | | | **** \ | |  | |
    | | | ( -)  \| |  | |
    | | | |\ \__ | |  | |
    | | | | \____3 |@/\@|
    | | | |    |  @@( o |
    |_|_|_/    |@@@  \--|
    |    /  _/\|    / (.|
    |   / _/\  \o-o-o   |
    |  /_/   \  \    \  |
    |         | |     \ |
    |         | |     / |
    |         c_>    /  |
    |                   |
    `-------------------´

Success, public recognition, progress, self-confidence

Reading

Despite feeling this way, you will continue to be successful. Have confidence that the energy is in there (though maybe go easy on yourself and favour progress over perfection). People will naturally flock to you and celebrate your successes with you. Be willing to rest on these laurels for a bit to catch your breath before charging forward.



08 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How can I be a welcoming host at the Polycule Thanksgiving?

Draw

    .-------------------.
    |;´*`:´✿  I ´;`;✿:`:|
    |✿ |_             .;|
    |✿ E \   (X)       ✿|
    |; |\ \  ___       :|
    |  * \)\(◕‿◕)      ;|
    |    |  |__|\      .|
    |    |  |  | \      |
    |    |  |  |  \     |
    |   \_/ |~~|  (\    |
    |    o  |  |  | q   |
    |(☆ )|------+ |     |
    |===========* |     |
    |_______/.✿,. |     |
    |✿.   ||.:;:;.:.,✿,.|
    |:.;✿;.,.✿:;..✿..;::|
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    |   The Magician    |
    `-------------------´

Manifestation, resourcefulness, power, inspired action

Reading

Be ready to have a good time, and manifest good energy. Be ok being the life of the party a bit (you are hosting it after all). Find non-traditional activities to have fun and get people comfortable with each other.



07 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I've had energy to go out a meet new people recently, but I've also seen that blow up when I run out of energy and feed depression. How should I balance making new friends/playmates with sustaining my mental health?

Draw

Eight of Wands

    .-------------------.
    |        VIII       |
    |  \ \\             |
    |\  \ \\     \      |
    |\\  \ \\     \     |
    | \\  \ \\     \    |
    |\ \\  \ \\     \   |
    | \ \\  \ \\     \  |
    |\ \ \\  \ \\     * |
    | \ \ \\  \ \\      |
    |  \ \ \\  \ \\     |
    |   \ \ \\  \ \\    |
    |    \ \ \\  \ \*   |
    |     \ \ \\  \ *   |
    |      \ \ \\  \    |
    |       \ \ \\  *   |
    |        \ \ \\     |
    |         \ * \*    |
    |          *   *    |
    `-------------------´

Movement, fast paced change, action, alignment, air travel

Reading

It's OK to lean into the energy you're currently feeling. Meet new people. Keep things light. Find people who share your values and make connection. Maybe also reach out to your certain crush across the pond. ;)

A letter to my depressed self

Dear Stef,

Our therapist instructed me to write a letter to you when I was feeling up. This is that letter. I've printed it off for your an put it in a safe place, and also given it to our partners to give to you when you're depressed.

If you read nothing else, read this: it is going to get better. You will feel like your old happy self soon enough. The worries and stressors stay around, but your brain can compartmentalize them in a way that you're having trouble with now, and you can chip away at them one at a time.

You've probably been taking some time off of work and isolating from your friends as loved ones. They know you struggle with depression, and that you hiding away for a bit is one of the aspects in an all-together great relationship. They know you'll be back. (Though if you haven't yet already, it might be good to have a small check-in with your partners and your boss. It doesn't have to be big. It can even just be the word, "depression."

It might seem like things are over. That you're broken. You're not. You can trust me because I've been there and now I'm here, and you'll be here soon enough too. You are a kind, wonderful, and smart person. That's still true of you now, and you'll feel that again soon. I promise.

Hang in there. Watch some Star Trek. Do that TIPP (Temperature, Intense exercise, Paced Breathing, Progressive muscle relaxation) thing our therapist talked about. If you can, go outside, at least to your balcony. Also, if you're feeling up to it, write me a letter. I wanna know how you're doing.

With love, Stef

P.S. Snape kills Dumbledore.



06 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How should I focus my energy today to stay sustainably productive?

Draw

Two of Wands

    .-------------------.
    |        II         |
    |  *                |
    |  |                |
    |  |     _____   *  |
    |  |     \___/   |  |
    |  |   _ (° @@   |  |
    |  |  (_)/\  \   |  |
    |  |___\/||   |  |  |
    |  E_____/|   |  |  |
    |  |    | |   |  |  |
    |  |    | | | |  |  |
    |  |    | | | |  |  |
    |  *    / | |||  |  |
    |       \ | |||  |  |
    |       /-| |||  |  |
    |       |||-LL|  *  |
    |      c_d          |
    |                   |
    `-------------------´

Future planning, progress, decisions, discovery

Reading

Lean into your productivity energy and follow your curiosity. It's safe to make plans today based on what you've learned, but also try to make progress on the stuff on your plate.



05 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

What does it mean to be a good person today?

Pull

Queen of Swords

    .-------------------.
    |            .      |
    |           / \     |
    |           | |     |
    |           | |     |
    | . ^*^*^   | |     |
    | |\&  ◕)   | |     |
    | |&% ⌣/    | |K    |
    | | |  '____| |/    |
    | | |   \-- | |     |
    | | \  y___4---4    |
    | |  \_______E3     |
    | |          / )    |
    | \‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾  /   \   |
    |  \˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ |    \  |
    |   \ ˚ ˚   |     \ |
    |    V------V_____| |
    |-------------------|
    |  Queen of Swords  |
    `-------------------´

Independent, unbiased judgement, clear boundaries, direct communication

Reading

The world will keep shifting around you. Think for yourself, and try to judge situations as they come without bias to determine the right course of action. Trust your judgement. It's OK to set boundaries to keep yourself safe, especially if those boundaries are communicated with those who are likely to run into them.



04 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How should I balance my time between friends and work this week?

Pull

Five of Wands Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |     *             |
    |     |             |
    |     |        *    |
    |     *()      |    |
    |   *  \|_     |    |
    |   |   \      *()  |
    |   |   /\      \|/ |
    | ()*  /  \      /  |
    |\|/            /\  |
    | \      *   * /  \ |
    | /\     |   |      |
    |/  \    |   |      |
    |      ()*   *()    |
    |     _|/     \|/   |
    |      /       \    |
    |     /\       /\   |
    |    /  \     /  \  |
    |          V        |
    `-------------------´

Inner conflict, conflict avoidance, tension release

Reading

With a variety of people coming together in your life and work ramping up, you have some inner conflict about balance your time between the two, but it's OK to let it go. Things are going to get done, and people are going to get taken care of. Show up where and when you can, be yourself, and everything will be fine.



03 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

Today is the first day of the project in earnest. What can I do to help my team succeed?

Pull

Knight of Swords Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |     |             |
    |     |             |
    |     |     --.**~  |
    |     E\   /◔ | ~~~~|
    |     +\\__\__|/_   |
    |       \____    )\ |
    |    ^@^@@@  \E____)|
    |   / ◔  @@@ / \    |
    |  /  _)_~*~/   |  /|
    | (..)   \      / / |
    |        /     ( /  |
    |    ___/     / /   |
    |   / __/ /-<__/----|
    |  / / / /          |
    | / / / /           |
    |                   |
    |-------------------|
    | spɹoʍs ɟo ʇɥƃıuʞ  |
    `-------------------´

Restless, unfocused, impulsive, burn-out

Reading

There is going to be a lot of chaotic energy as the project starts. Don't give into impulse and "monkey-brain". Focus on doing the next right thing, and you'll avoid burn out.



02 october 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

What kind of energy should I bring to the project, especially for its kickoff.

Pull

Eight of Swords Reversed

    .-------------------.
    |                   |
    |                   |
    |      ___          |
    |     (=.=)         |
    |   + /\_/\ +   +   |
    | + ||=====|| + |+ +|
    | | ||=====|| | || ||
    | | |\=====/| | || ||
    |+| | |====|| | || ||
    | \ | |    || | || ||
    | |\| |    || | || ||
    | | \ |    || | || ||
    | | |\|    || | || ||
    | |   \~db~|  |  | ||
    |      \            |
    |       \           |
    |                   |
    |       VIII        |
    `-------------------´

Self-limiting beliefs, inner critic, releasing negative thoughts, open to new perspectives

Reading

You are coming into this with self-limiting beliefs and a strong inner critic, but in reality, you have all the tools you need to succeed if you let go of the negative thoughts and are ready to take suggestions from your team.



29 september 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I'm feeling really high energy today and am conscious about becoming manic. How do I channel my energy in a productive sustainable way?

Pull

        .-------------------.
        |    /\       /\    |
        |   /wwW\   /Www\   |
        |  Vvw  (. .)  wvV  |
        |        p|q        |
        |       ( | )       |
        | ✿✿✿✿   )|(   ✿✿✿✿ |
        |(✿◡‿◡)  (|)  (◡‿◡✿)|
        ||  / ____ ____ \  ||
        ||  \_\  / \  /_/  ||
        || \___3/   \E___/ ||
        ||   | ||   || |   ||
        ||   | --   -- |   ||
        ||   |         |   ||
        ||   |         |   ||
        ||   |         |   ||
        ||~~~|         |~~~||
        |                   |
        |         II        |
        `-------------------´

Two of Cups (Reversed)

Self-love, break-ups, disharmony, distrust

Reading

Now is not the time to be making a bunch of new connections. Focus inward, care for yourself, keep yourself level.



28 september 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

I'm feeling stretched thin today, and I'm worried I'm on the precipice of another depressive episode. How can I use my energy today to drive back to sustainability?

Pull

The Heirophant - tradition, conformity, morality, ethics

.-------------------.
|         V         |
|                   |
|       ._o_.       |
|    m  O_o_O   +   |
|   (/ _(◡.◡)_  +   |
|   ||/ |\_/| \ |   |
|  /_/  o + o  \E)  |
|  \      |     |/  |
|   \     +     |   |
|    \_   |    _|   |
|     /_      _\    |
|     |        |    |
|     |        |    |
|     |        |    |
|     |__d__b__|    |
|                   |
|-------------------|
|   The Hierophant  |
`-------------------´

Reading

Find strength and stability in existing traditions and relationships. Try your bests not to rock the boat today. Focus your energy on doing the right(tm) thing that you already know you ought to be doing.



21 september 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

What should I do today given that I'm not feeling smart/capable enough to lead the project at work?

Draw

The High Priestess - intuitive, unconscious, inner voice

Reading

The same inner voice that's gotten you this far is still in there, even if it's harder to hear at the moment. Slow down, reflect on what you've learned, acquire even more knowledge to strengthen the inner voice.



20 september 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How should I focus my energy today to feel fulfilled while taking care of myself?

Pull

The Six of Pentacles - charity, generosity, sharing

Reading

While energy may feel low today, you are rich in other ways that I can be generous. Today is a day to give to the friend who is strapped for cash. Offer your house to your partner without power. Offer to do the meal prep for camping. Check in on your work colleague who's been struggling. You don't need to do all of these things. Any bit of charity, generosity, and sharing you put out into the world today will make a positive difference.



19 september 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How should I focus my energy while I'm sick to stay balanced?

Pull

The Page of Wands (Reversed) - lack of direction, procrastination, creating conflict

Reading

It's hard to focus when you're sick. Some things are not going to get done that you expect to get done. This might even make others upset, but it's important to take care of yourself in this time. Like all things, it will pass.



17 september 2023

Gratitude

Tarot

Question

How can I channel my energy sustainably, especially looking to avoid another depressive episode?

Draw

The Page of Pentacles (Reversed) - lack of commitment, greediness, laziness

Interpretation

It is OK to be non-committal, greedy, and lazy in this time of recovery. Take it easy. Have fun.



31 august 2023

Today I am grateful for:



30 august 2023

Today I am grateful for:



24 july 2023

I've been thinking the last couple of days about whether or not I really want the manager position. I have not enjoyed the dynamic of my team as we've prepared for launch. I realize this is probably true of all projects which go to production from large institutions, you deal with "the crunch," but I don't like what it did to me and my teammates.

Little warning bells are going off that maybe I should stay on my current (matrixed team), and perhaps continue the march towards principal software engineer. I have the luxury of being senior without contending with managing people. This would be even more the case if I made it to principal. Also being a manager with major depressive disorder is tough. The last time I started out with it, I wound up on disability for a very major episode. Do I really want to risk it? Maybe I should stick to being a worker amongst workers.

===

Hey Amy, I'm considering withdrawing my application for the engineering manager position. Upon some further reflection, I feel like it might not be the best fit for me right now.

===

On the other hand, I'm so close to the end of the interview process, maybe I should just finish it up, gather the feedback from the interview, and see how it lands. Leave it in the hands of my higher power. If I'm painstakingly honest in these last rounds of interviews and I still get offered the job, maybe it'll be alright.



20 july 2023

I've been sick the past few weeks. It's one of those head colds that moves around: throat, then nose, then chest. I'm hoping I'm coming up to the end of it.

I moved last weekend in the midst of the cold. I like the new place. I'm un-nested from J now and on my own (until I find a roommate at least). I still have a lot of furniture to buy, but I think the place is going to work out well.

In the midst of feeling tired from the move, still having nesting things to do, dealing with the cold, and accidentally taking a night time cold medicine during the day time (why did they make the daytime tablets dark blue and the nighttime white??), I had an interaction with a co-worker where I was confused about what they were saying and asked a lot of questions around it. They took it as me challenging them or questioning them. I have an interesting cocktail of emotions around this: guilt for making her feel bad, frustration around the shipping deadline, anger around the space not being safe to ask questions, fear around being inadequate for this job, guilt around not being as present as I'd like to be.

All these feelings are valid, but I'll focus on the one that on second blush, looks to be a distorted thought: "anger around the space not being safe to ask questions." I was feeling this way because I was receiving negative feedback for an interaction that I had with her where all I was doing was asking questions. I didn't say, "I think you're wrong, or this doesn't seem right."

She's telling me: I told her before lunch, I think the problem is with the PHP layer. She tells me she fixed it by changing something in the Vue layer. Of course I'm confused. I'm trying to connect the dots. I'm struggling to connect the dots, and I sick and tired. I think I can forgive myself for asking similar questions. In fact, in her answers she would start by saying, "again" or "I repeat", making me feel like I should be picking up something faster than I was.


I had a follow-up with her and I'm feeling better about it. I was able to tell her that the phrasing, "again" and "I reiterate" made me feel dumb, I think we both have an understanding that when the conversation is off over text, then we should do something synchronous.



04 july 2023

My partner and I had an argument yesterday about how I wasn't being as COVID cautious as them and that made them feel unsafe. There are a few things wrapped up into this that I want to unpack:

  1. at the end of the day, what makes them feel unsafe is true for them and not for me to debate
  2. part of me wonders if this is a proxy for being uncomfortable with dating a lot of people right now as we open up into a poly relationship
  3. I have been very COVID cautious for the past three years, and I've slowly been taking more risks (eating inside, being indoors without a mask, traveling, going on dates), I don't believe the risks are reckless

If my suspicion is correct that part of this is to get me to slow down the number of dates I'm going on, well I've even thought out loud to them that I'm going on too many dates and it's not sustainable to keep at this pace and balance other life commitments and work, so even though I feel a little attacked and surprised by their remarks, we might actually be in agreement as far as the end goes.

I do think their fear, while justified, may serve them in the long run. This morning they texted me, "I don't want to be a sad hermit forever. I want to get to where you are."

What do I say when we regroup and talk about this? "I'm sorry..." for what? I suppose I am sorry for initially getting defensive and making assumptions about why they brought this up. I'm sorry for not asking questions about what they meant and "mind-reading" what they wanted. I want them to feel comfortable, but I also want to live a free and happy life. If there's somewhere we can meet in the middle, then I'm willing to work towards it.



14 may 2023

When my partner and I started dating six and a half years ago, I told them that I wanted to adopt or foster kids when I turned 35. Their response at the time was something like, "I'm not sure if I want kids, but if I did, I'd want to adopt for foster." We've talked about it off-and-on, especially on my birthday. I'm now 34, so I'm starting to do some things to get ready to foster: researching the process, looking into getting a bigger space, talking to people about it. Then, just this week, they dropped the bombshell: they don't want to foster/adopt. I could always sense some hesitance in their voice when I brought up the topic, so I can't say I'm too surprised, and I'm glad they told me (though I wish they told me earlier.)

Now I'm at a cross-roads. Do I give up on this dream? Do I end the relationship? Do I lean into the poly aspect of our relationship and find someone who is interested in co-parenting?

I'm happy with the way I handled them telling me. I said, "I'm going to need some time to think about and process this. Though I need to be honest that this is a big deal to me and might have some impact on our relationship." They were a little shaken up, but they appreciated my honesty and respected my boundaries.

I think everything will work out.



04 may 2023

This has been a tough week. It started on Saturday when my dad called me and said that my mom's dementia had gotten worse and that he needed help. I'd normally take the train or bus to Indianapolis from Toronto, but this seemed urgent, and a rushed to get to Indy that day on the only direct flight. This meant cancelling an appointment with my HRT prescribing endocrinologist and cancelling an appointment with the US Passport office to expedite an update my name and gender on my passport before travelling for work.

I made it to Indy that day, and indeed my mom was out of sorts. She's most likely transitioned from stage 5, moderately severe decline, to stage 6, severe decline. She's started hallucinating kids in the house, forgets where the washrooms are, and her confusion leads to anger. After the second night, when she had woken me up every hour, and was getting close to wondering out of the house while we were asleep, it was clear to me that things had escalated beyond the capability of even two family members.

My sister had been pressing my dad for years to get in-home care; he couldn't do this alone. I had told dad the last time I visited for a month that my mom needed to get into assisted living ASAP. My research and talking with friends whose parents had dementia and Alzheimer's had told me that the stages come in sudden drops, and this would be the last window we'd have to move Mom while not under duress. But my dad is a child of the conservative patriarchy. He didn't want anyone else taking care of Mom but him. He was even reluctant to take my or my sisters help.

In the time between my last visit and this visit, my mom had come up for the wait list two times at the memory care assisted living residence up the road from my parents house. On this visit, there would shortly be a another room available, but it was more a expensive suite, and my dad wanted to wait until a cheaper one came available.

This is all just background and context. I can appreciate that my dad is in a tough position, and that he's had to take care of my mom 24/7 for the last four-odd years while I've only been there for weekends, weeks, or months at a time. I also understand that he is on a fixed income and has to do what is best for both of them. I can excuse the fact that he ignored my warnings to get her in to care at the next available opportunity, because he loves my mom and doesn't want to let her go. But what happened next has likely put a wedge in our relationship for the rest of our lives.

My dad, a child of the 1950s in the Southern United States and a military officer, has always been stubborn, strict, and conservative. He has stopped talking to me and/or kicked me out of the house twice before. Once when I dropped out of Bible College and another time when I came out to him as bisexual. On the other hand, he's gone through major depression with suicide attempts, drug addiction, and emotional abuse against my mother, and not one time did I write him off or out of my life.

I came out to everyone that I was a transgender woman by putting it in my Christmas cards in 2020 (admittedly maybe not the most tactful mood.) I called my dad before sending the cards to tell him personally. At the time he said, "I'll love you no matter what, but we don't need to talk about this anymore." I'd give that response a C-. Whenever we spoke on the phone he would call me by my deadname and misgender me. Whenever he talked about me with others, he would call me his son. I had been able to ignore this for a while for the sake of helping with my mom; however, I came near to the breaking point as I was filling out my passport information for travel using my deadname/gender (because I missed the passport appointment to come help my dad) while hearing him over the phone talk to his financial planner saying, "my son" is home. I felt the need to find a way to make a gentle request for him to refer to me as his daughter and use my real, legal name.

After the night when my mom had woken me up every hour, I was pretty frazzled. My dad, seeing this, said maybe it was best if I went home. I reiterated my point that this was now more than a two family member operation. A little irritated, I said unhelpfully, "I told you that we needed to get her into care and you passed up two opportunities since then." I then only slightly more helpfully said, "I think you should take the offer of the suite soon to be available, even if it's more expensive, or you should get in-home care until she comes up again for the cheaper room. He said, "I don't know what to tell you son." I responded plaintively, "daughter." He said, "well now I really sorry, this conversation is over."

I went back in my room and cried. I felt that I needed to get out, but I didn't want to abandon my mom. In the end, I accepted that my mom is ultimately my dad's responsibility, and if he didn't want me there, I should leave. I told him I was going to leave and he said that that would be best.

While I was waiting for a driver to come take me to a friend's house to stay the night before starting the trek back to Toronto, something wonderful happened. I heard my dad calling a place to set up in-home care for the hours he was sleeping. Perhaps my presence was not helpful, but my absence would be. On my way out the door, I said goodbye to my mom, who has long since forgotten who I am, and asked my dad if there's anything else he'd like to talk about, to which he said no. I can't help but thing I was saying goodbye to both of them for a very long time, if not forever.

I'm in a different place in my life than when my dad cut me out because I was bi. Then I needed the support of my parents to get back into school and pay for a place to live. Now, I'm financially independent, live in a different country, and have spiritual tools to keep myself safe in the face of abandonment. Should my dad want to talk, I'll be there, but I don't need his acceptance.

I want to conclude on a positive note. The friend who I stayed at after leaving the house was a townie that I've known since high school. I actually stayed at their mom's house. It turned out that my mom had taught their sister/daughter (respectively) in Kindergarten. My friend's mom said that my mom was really apprehensive about sending their child to school, but that my mom was the perfect first teacher for them, and my mom, seeing the apprehension of my friends mom, found ways to let to help in the classroom and be involved. That's the kind of person my mom is. She is kind and empathetic. She is where this kindrobot got her kindness from. She is the mom I will always remember and hold dearly in my heart.



04 september 2022

Ugh, I am feeling sad and stressed. I'm not sure if a close friendship is going to be coming to a close. On the one hand it might be best for both of us, on the other hand, I know it would hurt this person, especially if it comes out of the blue.



22 july 2022

I've been listening to the back episodes of Tilde Whirl and was reminded of feels. I was hesitant of using feels at first because of how they were published by default, but now that I've turned publishing off, I feel better about feeling.

I've been receiving a lot of signs from the universe that I should be journaling. Tilde Whirl, strangers on the bus, etc. And I do think journalling is a valuable tool for my mental health, so here it goes. :)

The past few days I've been chased around by the thought that people don't like me. It's something that I've struggled with most of my life. I tend to be a "people pleaser" and thinking that I'm disliked can trigger a depressive episode. Some things that I want to remember:

  1. People disagreeing with me != them not liking me.
  2. If someone doesn't like me, that doesn't affect my intrinsic worth.
  3. There are many people in the world for which I have strong indication that do, in fact, like me.

Also today I'm finishing recompiling my resume with JSON resume schema and applying for a position with the Toronto Public Library. It's a senior engineering position. While I've had that title before, something about the title "senior" brings some weight and stress to the idea of the role, and almost makes me want to skip applying for it. But I do meet the qualifications, and the worse they can do is not respond, so here goes nothing.



18 october 2021

I am feeling welcomed.