~lucidiot

homepage

2017-09-19

hugs

This morning, one of first thoughts was about getting a hug. I have not been going through any hardships today, or yesterday, and I am low on physical affection since years, so it's just a normal day. It just felt worse than usual, and I have nobody to solve this problem.

Mastodon users are awesome online huggers, just like tilde.town users, but a simple textual *hug* is worth nothing compared to an actual hug from someone you love or trust.

I constantly avoid losing myself in my thoughts, to forget about all the negativity that my brain wants me to feel. But when I'm alone, without any way to distract me properly (for example, getting very bored on a train), I get lost in my bad thoughts. And if I am not trying to tell myself I'm worthless, then I will sometimes feel lonely.

My friends are awesome, and they make very good company, most of the time. But we're not close enough or too much self-aware to hug. I have no female friends I can meet on the meatspace that could have pity when I would tell them what I think of myself or live with my parents at home and hug me. I basically have nobody to hug me. And of course, family is out of the question, since they are either dead, too far from me, or a source of anxiety.

I just need a hug. I feel like everyone I know online should get a real, physical hug. I want to feel safe. Happy. To know that I make someone else happy too. That I can make someone happy.

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~lucidiot