2026-03-03 12:06am

(set to "saturn" by SZA)

was it love
or was it compliance

honestly,
i'll never fucking know
and
at this point
i don't fucking care

you've showed enough of yourself
so i'm shutting these doors

i want to see a reflection of my life when i look into the mirror in the morning

i was made to make
and i can't do that with you

i need to set myself free
i need to stand up and drop backwards

off the waterfall
into the thundering depths of life

i will take mouthfuls so large
of life
that the skin of my cheeks
is being torn apart
into strings
of blood and skin tissue

i will shower myself in love
i will burn through what used to be me
and evaporate into a dust

that floats through the air
being taken where it needs to go
i will not be

the mildew on the window sill
the smell of old mop water
the smell of fish in the sink,
because it wasn't cleaned properly

the water on the bottom of right-side-up dishes
that should be place upside-down
to dry

i won't do it again
because the first time
will always be intentional

and my heart,
and my friends,
will be the first
on my todo list

if i have the spoons
if i have the spoons
if i have the spoons

they know what love is
and how to do it

you do not