2026-02-22 9:27

set to "call me by my name" by ar/co

the
amount of times
i have contemplated suicide
this year
and last year
is probably in the hundreds

i know this
because i have felt like this
since december 2024

and
almost every day
i have thought about it

but only now
do i learn
how strong a promise is
to friends
because it's keeping me going
and i'm still here

thank you so much for being in my life
don't burn yourselves out
take breaks when you're out of spoons
just tell me

cause i know it's a lot
and i'm done feeling that too
i would say i'm strong
but i feel weak now

but i am still going
slowly

i am glad
though
that i
learned art
through all of this

mother nature has
really beautiful ways
of expressing her
gratitude

it can be in the form of trees
who listen to you
who have familiar bark
familiar to the touch

you know which tree is which
you've got bob
who's not afraid to
speak their mind
to stop the pain
of people around them
people think he's being an asshole
but he's just saying
what needs to be said
and i commend him for that

and karla
who seems to be this
strong woman tree
who takes no shit
from anyone
she is happy about herself
and confident
and compassionate
and she stands taller
than the other trees
in her glory

and sometimes
it can be in the form of
the realization
that you
can become
something different
than you are now

there is another path
it can have art
it can have communities
it can have friends
it can have compassion
and honesty
and humility
and truth
it can have love
real love
love that you can feel
not the stuff you imagine
not the stuff
that has vines
pulling you by your ankles
three times further back
than each step you take
forward

shine
shine
shine
shine
shine
shine
shine
shine

is my life advice to all of you
because you are more than gold
you are the essential elements
to this world

you make up every part of it
and you are power
not to be fucked with

please keep going
just like i am

also
p.s.
this poem was supposed to sound extremely heart-felt and compassionate,
but i am too angry right now to write not-angry poetry lol

also
p.s.
this sounds manipulative as fuck lol
it's not intended to be lol
just a big thank you for your energy and time
you guys need and deserve
at LEAST
a fucking vacation to mexico
a fifty-thousand dollar bike
the right to make art
forever
and not pay a dime
or something cool like that

also
i fucking love this song