sometimes, just sometimes, i would get close

i almost made things good

when things were okay,
they werent,
you had just got what you needed

and then id have to wait for the next raincheck of happiness to come

it wasn't a waiting game though
it was a game of effort, and earning

earning happiness was what it was about,
not my own agency to be happy

happiness was puppeteered
until i needed to donate some more of my self worth to get to the next glimmer of joy

happiness was never really there

it was just hanging on a string in front of me