i look for words in the dictionary
that don't exist

my existence
makes every cook in the kitchen
burn their food

i don't want it to happen
but it just does

trying to explain this thought in my head
isn't about finding a needle in a haystack
it's about a full-blown lobotomy

cause, jesus fucking christ, it feels
like i could use a better brain sometimes

not sometimes
this isn't a passenger car train
it's a thousand subway trains

passing by every three seconds
blinding your ears
blowing gusts of garbage-scented steal
making you wonder if you dressed warm enough

i'll easily decompose into this earth
before i figure it out

i feel like i speak another language
im trying to tap the tomato sauce out of the bottle
but the sauce is already hardened up
and all im getting is dark red flakes
scattered on the table
its okay,
i'll let you discern which word is which flake
cause i sure as hell don't know now

all i can do is shove a butter knife inside
and jiggle it around
hoping that
with every tinkle against the glass
something will make sense

and i know
this is the only bottle i got to work with
i just gotta rinse and repeat i guess

until im shattered onto the floor
by the elbows of the people
who can't hear me

it's not you
it's me
i want to share everything
with you

and--that--i dont need words for