optional soundtrack for this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TiebZllW8As
(DtMF by Bad Bunny, in case the link stops working)

i just wish life could pause for 15 years
and just give me a reasonably long time of happiness

it's been so hard
so hard

having to deal with conflict after conflict
having to stretch yourself so thin that you forget who you are

because the tissues of your soul have been burned for so long
that they are lost to the universe

somewhere else, in some other dimension
where things are easier

where love doesn't require hardship
where your decisions, your words, and your joy aren't used against you

where love can't exist as something that doesn't hurt
where love can't be transformed into justification

where you can be with any friend,
at any moment in time

where their smile isn't kilometres away
where their voice isn't just an echo in memory

please pause, just give me a break
this is so hard