it feels like i've been removed from life
removed from those i love
it must be nice they say
but its not
when your own mind
defeats you
it takes joy out of anything
and everything
to not feel
for so long
you feel numb
pain is a luxury
you pay for it
so you don't have to feel the lows
so heavily
just for a bit
until the pain is gone
then the thoughts all come back

sleep is an illusion
it's unachievable
but it gives you hope every night
that you'll see them more soon
they are all you think about
but you need to wait
until the time comes
so until then
your mind will deteriorate
while you struggle
to do the easiest fucking things