2026-02-25 9:30 (ish?) pm

this is a poem (that was triggered by a song i heard on an instagram post about
kids playing with toys. the song was by alan gogoll, and it is called "bursting
with life", which also happens to be the album name too) that i fucked up, but
still ended up being about my kids' happiness. it's called "stuff you like"
(originally called "everything you like", but i realized that at this point in
their lives, i don't know everything they like, i only know everything i have
percieved, and witnessed, them liking):

paper canoes
stacking things
high flying planes and helicopters
propellers
color-changing lights
putting something back into the right container after you've used it
extremely dim rooms
forest sounds
the way harmonics resonate
the brief, soft clack of wooden wind chimes
bright stars at night
and streetlights
my/our now-old/still-present neighbour's backyard lights
where they shoved, as a many of those solar lights as they could into a fucking
wall of rock so it looked like you were looking at an ocean of fireflies when
you looked out the window. it looked so fucking tacky but it was so pleasant to
see at night. it was like our little escape from life when we looked out the
window at night. it always stopped you from crying. both of you. no matter what.
okay there were times where it didn't, but, taking you outside at night for walk,
to look at the stars and the streetlights, when you cried, to cheer you up, even
if i had to bundle you all up, and i fucking hate getting dressed for winter.
it's a sensory nightmare, so i imagine it might be for you too. but, you loved
lights at night while we played relaxing music during our walks.

pulling both of you in a fold-up wagon with mistadobalina blaring at 9pm in a
rich-person neighbourhood is going to be one of my favourite memories together.
but im sure there are going to be more.

it's just so hard to see the future right now.

it's so foggy.

the fog, for some reason, tears apart my ability to do anything.

well, it's not that i can't do anything

it's that it takes so much effort to do anything

like a lot

all my willpower

and when i do it

i can only do it for like 2 minutes

and then im burnt out
i have to sleep
hours
days
before i can do anything again

oh yeah, things you like

well i got side tracked

uhhh

okay, one last one,
because i think it's happening again:

consistent textures in your food
and if the food is mixed
all of the different tastes
must match

i know

cause im the same