tilde.town Social Etiquette

PREMISE: You are a member of tilde.town. cool! You'd like to be around for a while and want to have an easy time socializing with other townies in places like the local chat.

PROBLEM: You haven't been in a community like this before and aren't exactly sure how folks communicate. Or, you got feedback from someone that a thing you said made them feel bad.

SOLUTION: Read through these suggestions and remember them while communicating with other townies!

Disclaimer: This guide codifies behaviors we'd like to see when directly interacting with other town members. It covers behaviors that aren't abusive according to the code of conduct but still might lead to discomfort. This guide is not a set of things you can or cannot discuss.

This guide primarily covers chatting on IRC, but its spirit applies to things like BBJ too.

Welcoming new users

Do

• Greet them!
• If you're up for chatting, ask something neutral like how their day is going.
• Remember that you're part of making this a community they want to come back to.

Don't

• Bombard them with chats.
• Assume they're just like you or know any of the stuff you do.
• Tell them to do something.
• Tease them.

Tone

Do

• Think about how someone might interpet not just what you're saying but how you're saying it.
• Remember that we're an international community and different people have different customs.
• Think about alternate ways to ask the same question or say the same thing if you are concerned about coming off negatively.
• Check in with yourself. Remember that your mental and physical state can impact how you talk and listen. Anger, sadness, and exhaustion can all unintentionally carry over into the town and hurt people. It's totally okay to have and to talk about those feelings, but keep in mind how they might affect your tone.

Don't

• Assume people respond to tone the same way you do.
• Try to get a rise out of people or intentionally make them mad.
• Be dismissive or negative to others without reason. No one expects you to be a font of positivity, but when directly addressing someone else they're not going to enjoy being put down.
• Use absolutes or appeal to a universal form, like "everyone knows that..." or "it's obvious that...".

Bots

Do

• Test bots in #bots
• Use one-off commands like !supdate or other commands with minimal output in #tildetown

Don't

• Use commands that produce a lot (10+ lines) in #tildetown
• Test bots outside of #bots

Pronouns

Do

• Favor the gender neutral pronoun (they/their/them)
• Use the !pronouns command to set and check pronouns

Don't

• Assume someone's pronouns
• Make fun of someone's pronouns

Asking questions

Do

• Ask once and wait for a response instead of asking multiple times.
• Remember that people are busy and might not see your question.
• Wait a day before asking again if you got no response.

Don't

• Ask multiple times in a row or a day (unless it's urgent).
• Ask via multiple channels (chat, sms, email).
• Assume that if you don't get a response, you're being intentionally ignored. People might be too busy to respond or have genuinely missed your question.

Letting others chat

Do

• Respond to people when they say hello, even if you're in the middle of a conversation.
• Note the tone of chat before sharing a link or starting a new topic. Are people discussing something heavy or stressful? Consider waiting until things quiet down to start something new.
• Consider using a terminal multiplexer. This will let you stay connected to chat so you'll always see what people are talking about when you reconnect.

Don't

• Monologue for a long time. This is a bit subjective, but if you're the only one talking for more than a dozen lines, you're probably scaring other people away from chatting.
• Get really deep into specific topics that a layperson has no hope of understanding. This is also subjective, but my rule of thumb is if two people fill 50ish lines of conversation about, say, haskell typing, then it's a good time to move to a side channel like #projects!
• Use #tildetown to talk about people behind their backs. For example, if you feel compelled to say "vil.ib.m" so vilmibm doesn't get hightlighted, maybe reconsider your words or say them somewhere private.

Conflict

Do

• Think before you send. Are you pretty mad? Maybe take a break before openly disagreeing with someone.
• Be respectful.
• If you have the energy, try resolving conflict with other townies in private before airing disagreements publicly.
• Think about their point of view and take it seriously.
• Think about the severity of what they're saying. If someone is expressing their preference for a certain technology, for example, it's not really worth disagreeing openly with them--they are entitled to that opinion. It's different if what they're saying could hurt someone.

Don't

• Resort to ad hominem (attacking someone as a person instead of a thing they said) or name calling.
• Be sarcastic. During a heated exchange, sarcasm rarely translates in text.
• Start an argument over personal preferences. It's totally okay if someone likes vim or uses screen instead of tmux.
• Ignore bigotry. If someone is saying hateful things, report them to a volunteer admin (vilmibm, karlen, archangelic, or l0010o0001l). Check the around town page for more info about contacting others on the town.

Offering help

Do

• Ask questions. It's good to confirm someone actually wants help and, if so, clarify exactly what they want help with.
• Be succinct in answering questions.
• Check in with them later and see if things are going okay.
• Remember that there was a time when you might have needed help on the same thing.

Don't

• Offer sarcastic suggestions. "alt+f4" and "rm -rf /" are not funny suggestions.
• Offer a bunch of alternatives. If someone wants help with screen, don't use the opportunity to tell them about tmux.
• Tell someone they're wrong for wanting to do a harmless thing.
• Belittle them for wanting help.

When In Doubt

When in doubt, fall back on this rule:

Assume that everyone you interact with can teach you something.

This means:

• Don't assume everyone is just like you.
• Don't assume people want to be treated like you like to be treated.
• Don't assume malicious intent (but don't hesistate to report abuse).

last compiled: 2021-06-04 12:34:03.178788