Dude Firey's Randy Cordial Cookbook

A cook book for those with discerning taste

Hot Fries Casserole

Regular casserole using cream of mushroom soup, lots of mayo, canned chicken,
but instead of chips or corn flakes, substitute in crushed up Andy Cap's Hot Fries. Flamin' hot Cheetos are for tools and youtube people with questionable sponsors. Hot Fries are for real folks.

Sushie Puppie

You've heard of a Slush Puppie?

Well, how about a if you made it sushi flavored?
Take sushi grade tuna, cooked sushi rice, and wasabi, add soy sauce and egg drop soup,
blend it all up together, freeze it, then run that through a food processor.
BAM!
Sushie Puppie!

George Forman Grill Deer Steaks

This isn't so much a recipe as a process:

Shoot yourself a deer or get some butched up deer meat from a friend.
(Conversely, you can find yourself a fresh road kill)
Throw that thang in the freezer. If it gets freezer burnt, that's okay.
Take that thang out of the freezer. DO. NOT. THAW. IT.
Y'aint got time for all that seasoning nonsense. Throw that damn thing on the George Forman, watch those deep red juices escape. No need to save these. Cook this bad boy until it's cooked all good and cooked.
Eat it. This counts as exercise.

And yeah, it's gonna be tough. Tough. This ain't Ruth's Chris's Son's Restaurant.

Full Fat "Diet" ice cream

For best results, follow the instructions in Grandma's Tractor Ice Cream, with one exception.
Skim Milk. You must use skim milk instead of full fat milk or cream.

The trick here is to cheat. We add back the fat using lard. Warm the lard slightly so it will mix with the skim milk in the can. It should incorporate with the milk and if you're lucky, you'll get these little fatty pods of delicious lard that will pop on your tongue!

Grandma's Tractor Ice Cream

Cheap Ass Italian Ice

You stand at a fork in the road here. You have two options:

Kool aid
Jolly Ranchers

If you go with option #1, make up a batch of Kool Aid but double the amount of sugar and power packets you add. Freeze the offending cocktail of dye and flavoring.

If, however, you decide to use Jolly Ranchers, you are going to need to dissolve them into some kind of solution. You can either heat and boil water until they dissolve, or let them sit in vodka for a week, ~~optionally drinking said vodka when no one is looking~~, then distilling the extract down, then boil the extract until you have a thick syrup. Thin this syrup only until tasting it doesn't make you pucker.

Whichever concoction you have chosen, take it and freeze it. Remember, twice frozen ice is twice as nice, then run this frozen mix through a food processor. Voila. You're done.

You're welcome. Say thank you.