17 april 2024
today has been fulfilling, even though I can feel the stress of job hunting creeping up on me.
I spent some time during the day on the search, and found some adjunct professor jobs.
They only listed a high school diploma as a requirement, which I'm fairly sure is a mistake.
We'll see if I get calls for any of those.
I did also put in some applications for software jobs, mostly comfy-sounding remote work.
After wrapping that up I got to spend some time with my partner, resting and watching our show.
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08 november 2023
today was sort of grey, my work was mundane.
the tedium of most of the day is offset by going out to compete, and spending time with my partners!
looking back, I'm wondering if there's anything I could do to make work more exciting for myself.
I can't sit around and wait for someone to make my day exciting.
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07 november 2023
i'm laying in bed watching my partner play a game, trying to slow my mind down.
so often it feels like i'm always trying to think my way out of problems, and i never end up acting.
i am so urgently looking forward to therapy. there are a lot of issues i would like to work through.
for instance, it is very difficult for me to be in a crowd. this limits my ability to go out with people.
i also have a very hard time with emotions, it's something i'm learning to handle.
i've had a lot of growing to do recently.
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06 november 2023
i'm just now getting back from a weekend trip to see some friends.
it was a nice time, though not having my antidepressants was a challenge.
thankfully, i was able to spend a lot of quality time with my partners, and meet some new people as well.
my favorite part of the trip may have been the road trip, or the night spent drinking and playing fighting games.
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02 november 2023
recently, i've been feeling very low. especially for a few weeks now, my energy levels have been such that it's hard to motivate myself.
luckily i was able to get myself to focus today at work. now i'm here at 1am logged in to a funny shared computer, sharing my feelings.
i feel mischevous, but i don't know where to direct it. i feel like as soon as i put effort into something, my will to do it vanishes.
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