# Something scary

Tilde.town carnival, October 2025

I've spent much of this month trying to think of what the scariest thing that has ever happened to me is.  The trouble is, i have a particular perception of what being scared should feel like: some kind of sudden overwhelming horror and fear.  And i don't get that from watching scary films, or performing on a stage, or before giving a presentation or asking a cute girl out.  Those things aren't scary, they're just a bit uncomfortable, or nervewracking.

Looking back, the first thing i remember being scared of is the dark.  But that was a long time ago, and i don't remember how deep and all-encompassing that fear was.

So what is scary now?

I cannot be specific.  But looking back feels like a dead end.  Look forward, however, and my mind starts to overheat.  The bottom drops out of my stomach.  I am aimless and without direction.  Where will i be in one year or two years or twenty years time?  I could not say.  The uncertainty of life, both personally, and in the face of a changing world, is not something i can wrap my head around, and i think for me this is the scariest thing.