Getting better at taking it easy. Trying the basic, clichéd advice: appreciate the moment, spend more time in nature, etc. Might be working: I'm feeling more moments of calm. Listened to honest, loving music. Simple songs about love and nature, and I try my best to embrace sincerity.
Going to a Viagra Boys show tomorrow night. Extremely excited. Part of me just want to get properly drunk and not think, not consider, just dance and listen and feel the sublime decadence.
Sometimes I reach a strange, semi-dissociative headspace. It just arrives, and suddenly everything feels distant. It's like some part of me is disconnected from my senses and my emotions. I continue functioning normally. I feel whatever I was feeling, but far away. It will usually pass within a few minutes. I feel it passing now.
I've written about this before. It's not strong, but it's strange. It only happens when I sit alone, usually in front of the computer. I recognize it from a long time ago, my childhood, playing with clay. That's all I know.
Been a little while since my last feels. Doing alright. Still a bit uncertain about where I'm going and where I want to go, and all that. Classic feels. I at least know I need to get better at appreciating simple things. I don't want to feel like I have to produce/create all the time.
Thinking about starting to take regular nature walks. Just getting out. If I'm working from home, this could be during the lunch breaks.
Lot's to think about. Work, fear of cancer, writing stories. Been stressed and dissatisfied and quite happy. I made an entry in art.na's digital diary 2: https://www.are.na/block/16350711
Making progress on my new site. The idea is to make something that allows for any kind of posts, experiments, images, artworks, whatever. Everything is a node. Nodes can be connected using links and tags. By default, nodes will probably be ordered chronologically (time of creation), but navigation will be non-linear. I like the idea of encouraging exploratory, playful navigation. Instead of going exactly where you want to go (and, well, there likely will not be any specific places my few visitors will want to find), navigation should occur by follow links within nodes, and using the node metadata. Instead of categorizing nodes as "blog posts" or "3D experiments" or "notes", I can just add tags. There's no primary tag, just tags. A node can have multiple. This does not lock the site into specific categories. It becomes more of my personal (but public) notebook. I like that idea. I like it very much.
It's hard to calm down. I want to feel in control over myself. I don't want to let bad thoughts run wild. I heard somewhere that people who walk fast are less happy. If that's true, it's surely not the fast walking that decreases happiness -- there's some shared cause. But I'm definitely a fast walker. Whenever I'm going somewhere, I always, consciously or unconsciously, try to optimize the path, make sure the travel time is as short as possible. So that I have more time for doing things I actually want to do. I never fully relax, especially not lately. Not even when I'm with my partner. Not sure what I need to do, but surely something.
I don't want to be too comfortable, or too harsch. Not sure what to learn to live with and what to change.
Etc.
I'm drunk.
I need sleep.
Might have corona. Around two weeks ago, my girlfriend was sick. A fever one night, then cold symptoms, and then, later, when she started to feel better, a dry cough that stuck around for a couple of days. Now I've experienced the exact same course of disease: I got a fever which disappeared after a day or two, then cold symptoms, and now I feel almost well, except for a dry cough. The strange thing is that it went almost two weeks between she getting symptoms and I becoming sick. Guess the incubation period can be that long, but still. Also: she took a covid home test, which was negative. I haven't tested myself. I feel like it doesn't matter. In Sweden, the rules are the same regardless if you are sick with covid or not: stay home until you have no symptoms (for at least a day). Other people in the household does not have to stay home as well, as long as they do not have any symptoms.
Been listening a lot to Timber Timbre lately. I think Western Questions is a beautiful and eerie song, and I love it a lot, but listening to the lyrics just seem like a, although colorful and poetic, anti-capitalist word sallad. That classic non-criticism: words and sentences pointing fingers at things with the undertone of "this is bad", but without actually saying anything of substance. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to wake up to a post-capitalist world some day, and I do love that song. Regardless of Timber Timbre's thoughts or intentions, I think it's brilliant. The pictures it evokes are powerful and strange, and at the same time I could to it as a parody of similar art -- art that even more shallowly points it finger at "bad thing" without suggesting alternatives or solutions. But I don't really care if Timber Timbre wrote this song with an ironic smile or not.
I want to start making animated gifs. I've enjoyed playing with photography and generative art for a long while now, and I like the thought of combining this practice with an old internet phenomenon like gifs. I don't want to embrace a retro aesthetic, I guess this format is more of a homage, or a way of embracing the philosophy of the old internet, some things we have lost with the new. Gifs are supported ubiquitously, and is one of those formats that will never become deprecated, especially not since the format (likely?) is preserved by internet preservation agencies.
Got a fever the other day. Still not well. Not too bad, but enough for me to call in sick, even though I probably would have the energy to work, at least at the moment. But I defnitely wouldn't have gone to work if I had to be on site. And in that case, I don't feel bad for not working. I'm resting (or pretending to).
The fever is always the worst during the night. The last two nights I've had trouble sleeping due to a bad case of fever brain. Sometimes consciousness scares me. I know this is normal, that this is not really that strange, but I end up in such weird mind spaces that I can't really control when I try to sleep, while being sick. It's like my brain tries to solve some abstract, unsolvable problem all the time, and I can neither stop it from thinking about this, or help find a solution. Often these "problems" are connected to something I did during the day. Last night it had to do with Neon Genesis Evangelion, that my partner and I watched before bed.
The mind is strange.
Some thoughts about digital preservation: since digital media is so fragile (file formats being deprecated, memory degrading, old data being lost or deleted) I find efforts for digital preservation very admirable. I really enjoy the work of the internet archive and the swedish internet museum (internetstiftelsen). But I also think, just as with regular culture, things kind of exist to eventually be lost. Cultural movements, music genres, digital trends, content, it all lives for a fairly short time, and that's alright. Everything is derivative -- we build on it, etc. I'm coming to terms with not being remembered. It's alright. I'm a small piece of the digital world, and I will leave a small dent there. What I create or write will likely not be seen by very many, or remembered for very long, but it will help shape the future. If my work is archived somewhere, I'm not dissatisfied, but just like taking notes or keeping a journal, this documentation is mostly there to help us feel at peace with forgetting.
Haven't recorded any feels in a couple of days. Doing alright. Want to do more, as always. Feeling a bit stressed even when I shoudln't. The usual stuff.
Installed windows on my new PC build. Not happy about being trapped in the microsoft prison once again, but unfortunately, certain software isn't supported on linux (yet). Considered mac, since having something closer to linux would have felt better, but I wanted to build the thing myself. Went surprisingly well, although I got some help from a couple of friends. The CPU fan didn't fit perfectly for some reason. It should be compatible. We managed to force it into position, though. Think it will work.
At first, two case fans didn't work. Found the issue though. Then, the windows installation refused to cooperate. "Window's cannot install the required files". Tried installing from a separate USB, and it worked.
Now, for some reason windows can't find the faster of my two wifi connections. No idea what the issue is there. Ethernet is not an option at the moment since the only ethernet outlet is in the bedroom... Need to run some cables the roof or something to get it to where my desktop is located. A future project.
On my first work trip. Strange feels. Unsettling. At a tiny Swedish town, the weather is gray, staying at the IKEA hotel. Hard to find a more depressing building. I kind of feel like an observer or a tourist. Not necessarily in the physical setting, but in the overall situation. All my coworkers are a lot older than me. Even though I haven't lived with my parents for quite a few years, this somehow feels like when I didn't sleep at home for the first time, or when I travelled alone. Strong sense of liminality, in many ways.
Strange, deep tiredness yesterday. Everything felt strange, annoying, and pointless. I was mad, sad and irresolute simultaneousy. Talking about this with my partner helped tremendously, even though I didn't really have any great revelations. Just, talk.
Today has felt a lot better. I'm kind of happy. Inspired to write, code and read. Going to a party tomorrow and on a live show on sunday (Alex Cameron is in town).
Also, all (I think) of my computer parts have arrived. Four large boxes are now standing by my desk, waiting to be opened. Going to assemble the computer with a friend at some point next week. Looking forward to install TouchDesigner and start learning. Not looking forward to buying a windows license.
One thing I would like to let go of is irritation. Being annoyed with other people. It happens now and then, especially with people I'm close with. I sometimes cannot let it go, and I just go around being irritated, occupied with this feeling, that is in no way satisfying. I'm afraid this will make me more suseptible to bitterness as a I grow older. That it will grow to an actual impediment in my personal relationships.
But I can also not always accept when people do not do what they promise, when they act in a way that is makes me feel worse (but which makes sense to them,). Hard to strike a balance.
I've experienced this strange desire to just be alone for a while. To be free, uninhibited. Not sure I actually want that. But I don't want the fear of regrets hold me back too much.
Bought parts for my first computer build the other day. For some reason, I've just used laptops until now. It has suited me well, being mobile, and since I rarely play demanding video games, I never really saw the need to change. However, I'd like to have some more GPU power to play with for graphics experiments. Also, probably need to install Windows (extremely sad) since I intend to learn Touchdesigner, which is not supported on linux. Too bad. Probably buy another hard drive so I can have one clean windows install and one clean arch (probably) install.
Feeling better the last few days. Less stressed. My partner and I have been having a lot of fun. Nice mood at home. More motivated to work, even when work is not all that fun. Excited to learn.
This feeling -- wish I knew how to produce it, or at least promote it.
I just wrote a longer entry in a private diary (where I include things I don't want to share here), and I realized, once again, how effective a diary can be. I've been irritated, unsure about the future and my relationships, and just put these thoughts into words helped me process and, temporarily, let go of them. Put a thought into words, and you're liberated, free to leave it for now.
Now and again, I experience a strange feeling. It's always very recognizable, and always eerie. Feels like some form of dissociation, but it only lasts for around half a minute, and only occurs once every couple of months, maybe less often.
When it happens, I feel like there's a distance that builds up. Like I, the part of my that thinks, is retracted far away in some "mind space". If I had to describe it I'd describe it as if the space in my head grew, and my thoughts were concentrated in a small central area. It feels like my body is further away.
At the same time, I also recall a smell. I think it's a smell, or it's a general sensation -- hard to tell. This sensation is infused with nostalgia, and for some reason it reminds me of old modelling clay I used to play with as a kid.
Or, maybe I experienced this sensation for the first time when I played with clay, and now the sensation forever reminds me of that first occurance and the current setting.
Not sure what to make of this. I'm not really worried. When it happens, it doesn't feel very nice, but it always passes and I quickly stop thinking about what just had happened. I return to normal.
The mind is strange.
Feeling trapped and irritated. Time moves too fast. I can't spend enough time on things I like. I can't relax. I have to take it more easy. Breathe.
it's almost 3 AM. Going to work in 4 hours. Have slept nothing. It's one of those nights. Partner was out with friends, got home around 1, and I got no sleep before that -- I usually don't when she's out. Just can't relax. But when she got home, I still couldn't relax. She fell asleep and I lay awake, tense for some reason. Like there's this pressure in my head that won't let go. I'm not even bothered by thoughts or anything -- just sleeplessness. Will try to go back now, not expose myself to more digital light. But I feel like I won't get any sleep this night.
I need a large, meaningful project that does not feel like a waste of time. Even when I'm learning, I can't stop feeling that I could do something more productive or meaningful. I've written about this previously. Sometimes it feels like I can't think of anything else.
But well, I'd like to keep working with art, whether it's music or writing or generative art, but I want it to feel meaningful, not just abstract. I've been doing abstract generative art for a long time now, and although I love experimenting with techniques and effects, it's starting to feel pointless. Not saying that art has to have a point or be actively challenging, dangerous or thought provoking, to be meaningful. I just have a desire to explore expression through art more. Being able to say something. But all I know how to do is create generative stuff. Not sure how I channel that into something I will find fulfilling and meaningful in this stage of my life.
Keep thinking and keep exploring, I suppose.
Went on a small "hike" with my partner and two of her friends. Was really pleasant, although we forgot a bunch of stuff and had to improvise. But the soup finally got warm and the pancakes fried. During the morning, I felt fairly stressed out about all the time the hike would take. I wanted to do some work in the evening, get some writing and coding done, maybe do some reading (things that feel like progress) but I managed to shake that after a while. The will to create often hinders me from enjoying the moment, even when I'm with people I love. But I'm getting better. Now, I feel a strange calm, and it's only 15 o'clock. I have loads of time.
I often shift from feeling very motivated to feeling that all my projects are meaningless. I need something larger, something I can work on with purpose. Sometimes I feel I have it, that learning and exploring itself is purpose enough (and I feel like it should be), but often I do not. I cannot really identify what I'm searching for, and that makes searching difficult.
Love the "backlog refinemenet" meetings that we all have to attend but where you have to listen to an overwhelming amount of details irrelevant to you. We could easily be on stand-by, just being called in when our input is needed. But no.
Got inspired to write a reflection on part of my childhood, the part involving building bridges and ad hoc dams in creeks, creating complex traps and huts in the woods, dragging abandoned bathtubs across an open field (because we were sure we'd find a use for it) and constantly trying to escape construction sites approaching from all directions. Classic child against the city. Got inspired partly by vilmibm's piece about the swamp: https://tilde.town/~vilmibm/swamp/
And I'd like to think about parts of my life I rarely think about anymore. Memories still very vivid, and probably so for a reason. Many other parts of my childhood are lost, forgotten, or just a blur, but this I see clearly.
Sometimes I worry there's something going wrong with my vision. I frequently experience visual static (especially when dark), which is not that uncommon, but I also have a lot of floaters and sometimes, only sometimes, I very clearly see tiny glowing specks moving about in my field of vision. These are white blood cells, and this is called the "blue field entopic phenomenon". I was happy to find out it was a normal thing, however, most people only ever see it when looking at the blue sky or at bright surfaces. The same is the case for me, but occasionally they become VERY prevalent, only for like 10 seconds, then they fade again. What could cause this?
What made my worry surface recently was something I experienced yesterday. I was out drinking beer with a couple of friends. On each table there was this fake candle thing with a yellow glow. Every time I blinked and moved my head, if one of these candles were in the periphery of my vision, I would see these trails from the light. The trails had a kind of chromatic aberration effect, like I saw the red and the green light slightly offset from each other.
These feels like odd problems to talk to a optician about. But I probably should.
Strange feeling. I feel like my priorities are wrong. I try to give myself as much time as possible to work on personal projects, but when I get that time I hardly do anything that feels valuable. I sacrifice spending more time with friends, with my partner, meeting people, for what -- not much? Of course, I still want to keep working on art and projects, but I need a way to do it more effectively, while spending more time with people.
Mixed feelings: hungover, existential uncertainty, strange will to live fully. But I'm at work at home. Listening to Kae Tempest, lyrics way too palpable to actually focus on the code I'm writing.
I pretended to not be feeling well to get off work early. I have no plans on doing this regularly, but probably once in a while. Everyone should. Instead of working I went climbing and climbed for multiple hours. I'm happy I've worked up the stamina to keep climbing for longer periods.
No fever today. Probably was the vaccine. Too bad, was looking forward to another day away from work.
Getting drunk on a wednesday night with a dear friend. I truly love him. He put some stale coffee in the wine, just for a laugh. We spoke about love and sex and identity in a strange but sort of effortless way. Our conversations sort of get veiled in irony, but the "irony" is old and implied, it's not really there, it's just how we speak. It feels nice. We spoke about the future, quitting our jobs, about the summer, and well, I'm inspired by him, although he is reckless. He bought some leathery BDSM-like outfits at a second hand shop, and plans to wear them to the summer, at and away from work. That not necessarily the most reckless thing -- just generally. But I like that recklessness, I wish I could do what he does. Maybe I can, but maybe I do not want to. Love having him in my life.
We spoke about, very loosely, to start a collective together. Some point in the future. Many maybies.
I'm drunk and I need sleep. Work tomorrow, unless I pretend to be sick.
Feeling kind of overwhelmed by the regular (impending and current) calamities. War in Europe, war elsewhere, environmental collapse, raging pandemics, late stage capitalism, and so on. The classics, or soon to be. A piece of my cringes at bringing these things up, like they weren't valid, like they weren't quite real. We're all indifferent most of the time -- I think we have to be, to get by. It's not reasonable to always keep implending disasters and current injustices in mind. One has to live, too.
Guessing I'm just scared.
Probably slipping back into indifference, or some form of ironic distance, or whatever it is, soon. Not that I think this is good, just necessary, at least occasionally. But what we'd need is a lot more fear, a lot more anger. People throwing bricks. But for what? What is the goal? I know what I think but my neighbours disagree.
If something will kill us, it's a combination of indifference and indecisiveness.
Also, the third covid vaccine dose gave me a fever.
Been more or less away from town for a few days. No particular reason, just lots to do.
Got kind of sick yesterday and today, but was feeling good enough to take my third vaccine shot earlier this night. Maybe I shouldn't have gone at all when feeling slightly sick, but well, I had a mask and all. I'm counting on bad side effects now, though, deserve it.
I had a dream about exploring a dark hill overturned in a storm. I found loads of plastic crates in the dirt, and some unknown material. I dreamt about insulting a bully-type character and subsequently getting beat up by one of his friends. I dreamt about a large scale fight or war in a deserted house, and an attic where the door was locked from the outside, for some reason. Of course we had to open it, and out jumped a cat, but more importantly, on the floor was a small larva, and somehow I knew this was the mind controlling creature from before (in the dream, I had encountered it previously). We had let it out. I killed the larva, but at the same time I knew that it would be reborn, and it was, quickly, as a bee mimicing fly that flew right to me, and immediately I felt it asserting its infleunce over me.
I rarely have chaotic, strange dreams like these.
Unsettling and exciting.
I didn't go to the rave. I feel both relieved and disappointed. I wanted to want to go. I wanted to do some MDMA and dance until five in the morning, but I couldn't shakle the tiredness and a strange, tense headache in my upper neck. I think it was good I didn't go, although I feel like I'm drifting further and further away from my friends (or at least the raving section of my friends, that I used to be so close with). Now I'm at home, partner out at a party, and I'm divided. Do I want to seattle into a calm, "boring" lifestyle? My instinctive answer is a loud "No!" But I'm glad to be here, near my bed, in control.
And so there's war in Europe.
Of course, not a minute of my life has been spent in a world without war. But all of a sudden it's nearby, and it directly involves Europe and powerful actors of the western world. This is the first time it's truly tangible. This is the first time escalation, mandatory military service, economical turmoil, are serious worries.
And well, I'm lucky to get to worry about these things, and not about being bombed in my home town, any moment now.
Going to a rave on saturday. I haven't been to a rave since before corona -- there's been multiple years. A couple of friends and I used to go quite often (as in, one or two times a month). We'd stay out until the morning and do the usual rave stuff. Drink, smoke, trip out. Returning home to bed at 5 or 6 in the morning, exhausted but unable to sleep. Always lost the day after to brain fog and tiredness. Most of the times it was worth it. I had a great time, went to interesting places, listened to pounding music, loosing myself, in a good way.
I didn't stop going entirely because of corona. My friends still went occasionally, especially during the calmer periods. But I didn't. I had a partner now, I had hobbies that required focus and dedication, I had (since 6months) a full-time job. Staying out all night felt... cumbersome, not worht it, unappealing. So I just didn't.
In my core, I think I enjoy a still, controlled life. That may sound boring, but what I mean is that I don't need dramatic adventures to feel satisfied. Or, I didn't really think I did. But the last couple of months I've felt, well, bored, tired and dissatisfied.
What I really need is clear goals, a fulfilling project, and better priorities, not a rave. But well, you take what you get. And stillness and all, even if you prefer it, you can't have it all the time -- you wouldn't want to.
Didn't really have time to log in to tilde yesterday.
The other night, I hardly slept at all. I went to bed 7 hours before I'd have to get up, but I felt that I wouldn't be able to sleep. I wasn't tired, and I felt this tension in my head and body -- like I'd had a large cup of coffee right before bed. All in all, I think I slept two hours. Managed the day fairly well anyway, but felt slightly alien at all times. Like I wasn't quite inside of my own body, like I was being dragged along.
My partner has a (joke?) theory about the phases of the moon causing occassional poor sleep. And it makes sense, sort of, since a night like this occurs about once a month, and often to us both simultaneously.
Slept better this night.
Rewatching Serial Experiments Lain. Almost a cliché at this point. But the first time I saw it, I feel like I didn't properly watch it -- I mostly soaked in the episodes like audio-visual ambience. I didn't think vabout the plot, the characters, or the ideas, and their implications. This is the same way I way too often read books, and this is what I want to change.
Slow, strange series like Serial Experiment Lain are always appealing to me. I'm guessing the core of this appeal is just the aesthetic. Shallow, yes, but I want to explore this aesthetic further and hopefully learn more about why I enjoy this type of content (starting to loathe the word "content", will try to eradicate it from my vocabulary). And I know it's not just aesthetics. I feel this semi-destructive excitement for the prosepcts of new technology. Things will change in unexpected ways and we'll have to be active, politically and culturally to steer these changes away from dystopia. Maybe thinking about this gives me the same thrill as climbing does (or skydiving might, when I actually try it): the exhilarating rush amplified by the prospect of everything going awry. This is probably not how one should think about the future, but sometimes I can't help to.
Also reading Neuromancer at the moment, and although the world Gibson describes is in many ways horrifying, I can't help but find sordid appeal in the neon, the organic and vivid city life, and the matrix.
I recognize these feelings somewhat childish, maybe irresponsible. I'm not letting them turn me into some destructive accelerationist or self-described futurist. I'm mostly scared. But, at least when it's fairly distant, there's alure in the dystopia.
As always, might not be that distant though.
Not going anywhere with this.
Sunday morning. Partner is at work. I got all day to do whatever I want. But I feel frustrated already, because I don't really know what I want to do. The same feeling I've talked about previously. For some reason does the satisfaction in all my ongoing projects falter, and I feel like I should do something better, something more important, something that will make me more happy.
Wish I knew what that would be.
I can't keep longing for having more spare time but when I actually have it, I feel worse than I if I didn't. Suffering from this strange contradiction: at age 25 I feel like I should be doing more, but I'm unable to actually spend time and think deeply about anything. Create art, write, play the piano, everything feels shallow and insignificant. Constantly, I think that if I just find the right thing, this will change, but I don't think it will. I've tried so much: playing the piano, writing, making my own music, creating generative art, web design, etc, and it all fades after a while. Something else need to change.
Writing this later today: somehow I managed to achieve a decent calm. I did some writing, worked on a web project, did not make great progress, but it felt nice. I was able to take a step back and just enjoy this sunday. I played the piano, I drank (a lot of) tea. Now, I will move to the couch and do some reading. The sky outside is beautifully gray -- just a colorless wall, the faded city below. I feel alright.
I had a nightmare in which I suffered from psychotic episodes, very short and very sudden. My field of vision would warp, I'd get dizzy, and suddenly I was inside a fugue state in which I did not know what I was doing. In the dream, this happened and passed multiple times. I don't remember many details.
I woke up with a jolt, sort of punching the air in front of me and simultaneously sitting up. When I first woke up, I remembered nothing about the dream except that I was in a nightmare of sorts. I just felt like everything flickered, that everything was distorted. Left bed for a couple of minutes, and the feeling slowly faded, while I remember more and more from the dream.
I rarely have nightmares. Always equally strange when it happens. Usually, I can shake it off and go back to sleep. I did tonight. Not going to try to interpret the dream. Just wanted to write it down.
Perhaps related to this, perhaps unrelated -- I've been feeling tired the last few weeks. I often, especially when I'm at the office, get this slump right after lunch. Coffee does not help. Sometimes it feels like it's making me more tired.
Then, towards the evening, like, this exact time (19:45) I feel fully energized. This energy will remain a couple of hours, then disappear.
I remember being more stable.
The last couple of days I felt a lot of strange, constant stress. The feeling of having a lot to do but not doing enough, not having enough time, or not spending it right. I constantly want to work on creative projects, but finding time while maintaining personal relationships and working a full time work is difficult. I think I trapped myself in a kind of mental snare, where I can't feel properly satisfied with the day unless I've made progress on personal creative projects, even if I've exercised or had a lot of fun with friends and/or romantic partner. I really love and want to spend time on artistic pursuits, but I need to feel truly satisfied even those days I can't.
Not sure why this is the case. Feels like I've tricked myself, somehow. Might be that I'm still used to have a lot more spare time on my hands. A luxury problem, I'm aware.
The last few days have been better, though. Wish I could properly identify what affects my mood.
Got some more ideas about this though. Working on a longer blog post (fairly stream-of-consciousness).
What is this microblog? I guess a place to write down any thought or idea I
have. Things that are not necessarily important or interesting, just thoughts
I need to get out of the way. I like the idea of taking notes as a dumping
raw thoughts into a directory of somewhat structured files, just to record it
somewhere. For future reference? Maybe. Probabl not. Just to relieve me of
the burden of keeping it in my mind. Good ideas will return anyway.
Read an article about this on hackernews. Also, I think Stephen King said something similar to "Notesbook are a great way of immortalizing bad ideas". He then elaborated, saying that ideas are like breadcrumbs in a strainer. The small ideas quickly filter out, but the good ideas -- the big crumbs -- they stay.
Regardless, keeping notes is a good idea. I can look up old notes if I ever need to, and even if I don't, I have cleared space for the big crumbs.
should have learned ssh a long time ago. I'm trying to overcome a form of pointless lazyness -- resistance to learning even the most relevant, obvious things. I want to avoid rolling back down the hill, to the soft safe grass I know.
Great yesterday night, a bit too much alcohol, hungover at work is not the most pleasant thing.
Applied to tiled town about a week ago. Happy to be approved. Already looked on the graffiti wall, concluded that this is a wonderful community. Can't wait to get to know people.
Recently, I've been feeling frustrated with my daily work and my hobbies alike. Work is not what I hoped it to be, and I feel like I can't focus, or find meaning in my personal projects. Probably this is just temporary -- inspiration fades occasionally. I'll keep creating, it will come back, but the feeling is irritating.
This place seems inpsiring though. Uplifting, beautiful. I can't believe I haven't explored spaces like this on the internet until now.