blog / happiness cause-effect / therapy 2


I catch myself thinking these things all the time:

But part of me knows things don’t really work this way. Because it used to be:

And over time, I obtained those things. Life is demonstrably improved now. But I feel bad.

So maybe it’s more like,

So when I catch myself stuck in a pit of envy and despair about what I don’t have, I can remind myself that really if I fix my brain then all those other things might fall into place (or at least become manageable goals to work toward).


After my second session with my therapist, she said I seem to be doing well and maybe we should see each other less often.

Part of me knows it is wrong to think this but: What, am I not depressed enough?!?

Am I putting on my “normal nice person in public” act too well? Should I force myself to wear my angst on my sleeve when I go there?

On the other hand, it’s not like I’m missing out on some magic words that will make me all better. There are other things I could be doing to help myself: exercise, sleep, diet, meditation, etc. She even printed me out a list. If I cared to, I could do any of them.

I’m probably just upset because this validates one of my fears about going: that I’m not legit depressed, I’m just a whiny sad-sack with first world problems who refuses to get his shit together and adult properly.