Dream starts with a dating app. On that dating app I find the person in question. The person in question is a femboy or a trans woman. This is unclear. We meet and for some reason we meet in the upstairs of some house where my relatives and my parents live. The living arrangement is extremely unclear, as everyone seems to live in random rooms that shift all the time. I see my sister, my dad, my mom and one of my uncles. I also see other random people. On top of this, somehow it's like it's a different universe up on the second floor. There, the entire floor is a brothel. The woman works at the brothel. When I first leave the bedroom that I shared with the woman and go outside, everybody asks me why I'm not wearing a mask. They say that I should be embarrassed if I am seen. I go downstairs and go to the toilet. Someone asks who's there and why I'm in the toilet. I say I'm in the toilet to take a piss and that it's me. It turns out that it was my uncle, who could not recognize me by my voice and was worried that someone had just broken in. Just like the whole mask business, for some reason this entirely fails to register in my head, as does the fact that it is a brothel and that the trans woman is working at a brothel. I go back upstairs and get back into bed with her. She describes a bunch of stuff that she does at the brothel. None of it registers. We have sex without a condom. It is quite nice and I enjoy doing it. I fall asleep in her arms. It is nice to fall asleep in someone's arms for once, and I remember feeling genuinely at ease. However I have a nightmare within my dream. I unfortunately do not remember the nature of this nightmare. She wakes me up and says that we are going to have sex again. Then afterwards, she tells me that now there is going to be a large sex ritual with a bunch of people. The ritual is extremely bizarre and involves terrible terrifying performances and there's a bunch of guys doing gross things to her. I later tried to leave but I'm very embarrassed to run into my uncle of all people and also my dad. The guys are of all of shapes and sizes, all races and nationalities and ethnicities. At some point I am also asked to perform these things. I attempt some of them, am disgusted and/or entirely unaroused and thus unable to perform them, but then in the end I try to leave the floor. For some reason there is a radio receiver that's playing music, and it is hanging off of a wire that is running off the wall about 6 or 7 ft off the ground. I unplugged this just as my dad walks up to the second floor and sees me. I give him the radio and its power cord. Then I tried to run away and text my friends on Telegram. I am reminded of the fact that I had sex without a condom and I am worried that I now have HIV. I consider getting post-exposure prophylaxis from somewhere, namely I consider where the fuck I could get that from in the first place. At some point I realized that it may very well be just a bad dream and so I tried to wake up. and I just keep waking up inside the dream. Nothing I do wakes me up to real reality. I know that reality is fake because I can modify aspects of it, but regardless I'm unable to wake up into real reality. After many many attempts, I finally actually woke up.

One of the most bizarre parts of this dream is that I could not wake up into real reality no matter what I did. For a second I had actually doubted myself and my concept and ideas about reality. I thought that I was now stuck in this universe where I potentially got AIDS, where the upstairs of the house that I live in, a house that I do not recognize, has a brothel. This universe where I am so desperate for someone to love me that I enjoy the convenient company of someone who participates in bizarre, 10+ person sex rituals. Another bizarre part is that it plays into my insecurities and desire to fall asleep in someone's arms and to be held. This is absolutely terrifying and I am very, very scared of what it implies. I'm scared of what my subconscious is trying to tell me. For all I know the whole point of the nightmare could have just been my brain coming up with the darndest things to get me to wake up and adjust the crink in my neck. Or it could have been a way for my brain to process and file away terrible stressful thoughts. Thoughts of loneliness, thoughts of desire, thoughts of the past and what I once had... Or maybe a YouTube video was playing on my earphones which primed my brain's reaction as it was drifting into slumber. I don't know, and I am not sure if I want to know.

A very weird aspect of the dream is that when I was having sex with the woman, she actually genuinely legitimately felt like a box. In my arms she felt like I was holding a small cardboard box whenever I would fuck her. This is extremely bizarre and I wonder if it is allegorical.

It is currently 2:57am. It has been 30 minutes since I woke up. I'm going to go and get a glass of water, then get back to sleep. This time, I'm going to go to sleep without ear phones in my ears.