~zumdar@TTBP



10 december 2021

ahh i guess my feels buffer is lost to the sands of time. i just wrote out a long post personal post but alas! anyway, i am excited to be back in tilde town. i have been going through an awful lot recnetly with school and i have a little gap right now before my finals and all the projects are due. it feels strange and wonderful to at least be done with the big synthesizer installation for the time being and have a actual physical living installaiton. it may not totally work yet, but its very close to being there.

anyway, i was contemplating my attachment styles and thing its somwehre between avoidant and disorganized. someone recenly described me as 'chaotic neutral' i take that as a compliment. i like a good bit of chaos in my world and as soon as there is order, it doesnt stay that way. well tonight i think i am really going to get to the bottom of this wordpress thing so i can write a post about the moses sumney lights i made. the album releases tomorrow and it would be cool to have a little documentation about the lights. i really want to figure out how to organize my entire work and brain into the internet like that guy did with his whole life in a wiki. haha maybe ill get there. it would be nice to atleast put my obsidian notes on there. might be a cool resource to refer to sometimes and maybe give to other if they are into the same type of things. anyway, i think i am motivated to tackle this wordpress / docker thing tonight so um..wish me luck? wish myself luck?

geraldine grenadine lackluser polymer queen staple the spices to the laundry hamper and leave the white sky alone.

my roommate is listening to an audio book in the bathroom and my room shares a wall with the bathroom. it would be so nice to live bymyself at some point.



11 may 2021

hey im back in the feels here!

i havent felt like writing anything lately but here i am writing something.

school is out for the summer! i have big vague hopes and dreams for the summer and plenty of time. i have a good feeling, like something warm and fuzzy will happen this summer.

im going to be teaching a science camp about robotics in july so that will be funnnnnnnn

midi hammock was a successssss and now i really want to build a treehouse and sleep outside all summer. i want to say something poetic and poignant but because i want to say something like that i dont think i will!!!



07 march 2021

college life


what does it feel like to be going to college in your 30s? what does it feel like to be revisiting feelings you had when you were 19 years old? real feelings that have been swept away by activity and time? It feels weird. It feels isolating. It feels exciting at the same time. It beckons a new beginning and opens a different door then one you would have ever even seen without guidance.
I am pursuing a bachelors degree because I want to. Because I have chosen to forgoe wages and hustling for money in exchange for hustling for knowledge and numbers, for expanding my mind by challenging it with new things in a differently rigourous enviornment then I am used to. I like feeling like an octopus sometimes with 8 limbs grasping onto so many different facets of life. Music, art, electronics, internet, exploring, design, relationships, friendships, lighting, reading, open source, business moves, professionalism, installations, whimsy and spontaneity. Yeah, sometimes it is overwhelming and maybe I have more then 8 limbs. College life seems to help me center my efforts on just a few of those things, even though others are constantly pulling me away and without a strong mooring I am easily untethered. It feels like a hard and lonely path. Noone can walk it with me, and while some are deep in their 'career,' (well I hesitate to say that in earnest, because I dont honestly know many people that are on the 'career' track) I am still figuring things out about myself. I was listening to a podcast today where they said something along the lines of 'it might be neurologically good for your brain to not be settled into its ways in your 30s' you still have time to grow and expand and learning and challanging your self is a good way to expand your mind. That is a deep paraphrase... but something along those lines. It gave me hope, as it gave the host hope too since she is about to turn 30 and having these existential worries as well. I feel like everything is exciting to me and I love learning new things and expanding my knowledge. I feel like a beginning in so many thing, but also I realize that I am not too terrible at many things too. I also read something recently about how you are better then 90% of people you know at something. Well I guess the gist of it was that when you are the only person that does something in your circle then you feel like you are the best, you are on top of the world. But in reality, once you start getting into a bigger pool with people that also do the same things you do, then you realize that your small sample size really favored you. I realized I dont like thinking like this. But I will admit that I do end up comparing myself to other way more often then I wish I did. I know it is not good for me but it can be so easy sometimes.
I like what I am doing and I have chose this path. Sometimes I do just want to curl up and just do nothing, but this internal drive to always be doing stuff. I will be in school for another year and that is OK. I will expand my community and hopefully find my footing, find community, and recongize myself as something more then just 'the old guy in undergrad' or 'the non-traditional student.'



20 february 2021

hello i am writing things out today. i like to write things out. i am satisfied because i completed an animation i had in mind for a while, and i pulled it off just like i had in mind in my head. that was cool. i wonder how line breaks work in this well lets try typing down here. I'm sure they dont really do anything unless i put a
and then i will have a new line
br
br br its cold in here. i have all these things i kinda want to do on my computer, but i also am so tired from staying up so late last night working on the animation that i really just want to lay down. its saturday tomorrow and i dont know what to do with myself. i think i will go to my workshop and put that hanging milk jug chandelier pendant together in a nice way and then bring it home. my desk doesnt have very good light and the shadows are kinda bothering me when i am writing. i just got back to my house from the month long stint at my sister's. what a dreamy time. im not as motivated to cook now that I have room mates. anyway i think i will finish this shenzen documentary and then watch 'halt and catch fire' my new favorite show.
things i need not forget.
write emails to
tilde email
kellie
keith
tv wall guy with the video game thing
oh yeah and hommeboy might want to rent the wall?



02 february 2021

february 1st ribbit rabbit


phasor diagrams got me thinking.
wikipedia got me thinking.
the town garden got me thinking.
markdown files got me thinking.
blogs got me thinking.
sharing got me thinking.
being lonely got me thinking.



30 january 2021

oops i think i just deleted the previous start of feels. dont press enter while writing. just let the text go alllllllllll the way til the end. anyway, what i was saying is that ive been really excited about being here . I started going a lot deeper this week and really feel like im starting to get the hang of it. Ive learned a lot this week... all about weechat, tmux, 'process status' or ps command, the intranet, ive had some really nice talks with malvarma on the chat. those are what made me feel like i was really starting to connet. i also figured out how to get into the tilde.chat server which is like all thee place. ive started keeping notes. also been inspired by the message boards, the 'digital garden' one was nice and kinda exactly lined up with all the thoughts ive had about documentation lat.haha i cant seem to backspace past this one line. thats funny. \anyway its been a good week. i espcially have loved the help desk over in tilde.chat. some really nice folks there that dont make me feel like a total dingo for not knowing all the L33T three letter acronymns and communication protocols and unix jargon. well
ive really been missing my real life friends and now that eve and i have broken up i am missing real connection. been thinking a lot // emailing people about getting out of town this summer and working with people on a project. so far my austin connect and nyc connect have said the same thing.. no work really... its slow. i just really need to get out of town this summer.
i rode critical mass tonight and got to talk with my friend willow a lot. it was so nice. i love being around groups of people. i feel like a bunch of people biking with masks is like the safest way to gather. it was cold so there wasnt that many but probably like 40 or so. also stopped by the new bakery and saw the art show. felt like an almost regular night out haha!
im staying at my sisters house right now house/cat sitting while she is gone. its so nice to have the whole house to myself!!! ive like never had such a luxury. i thnk thats also what has drawn me into tilde town. a lot more sense of isolation on a few different fronts.
i hope when i push enter all of this saves. that would be fun. remind me to cancel my subscription to 750words .com.



13 october 2020

hello world, this is my first time being in tilde town. i dont know really what to say here but i want to explore everything. i am tired and should probably go to bed, but i like this weird web world and want to live in a surreal fantasy for a second. my workshop flooded over the weekend while i was in the mountains. well really it didnt flood, but some of the other studios and residicences did flood bad. i like to mae lists and think about how the world is built up of modules. its pretty neat when you think about how humans have figured out how to abstract complex systems on top of systems.