10 may 2016
state of the ttbp
i've sprinkled accounts across the internet since the mid-90s. i've played a lot of video games. i feel a brief pleasure when i see a number go up and know that i caused that integer to increment; a triumphant note cues every small victory. sometimes, i collect badges. eventually, i am left with the hollow feeling that the only reason i've achieved is to increase the number of achievements i have.
this is not what i want as a human. i live for the sake of living, not for the ability to demonstrate my worth to others by showing them an integer. i like incrementing integers for fun. i do not want to attach integers to my sense of being.
the more i can separate the act of racking up points from the process of being a human, the more enjoyment i get out of both.
ttbp was a whim when i started it, but it's growing fast into a beautiful little nest of thoughts and ideas and communication. here are a few thoughts about """blogging""" that i've tried to work out for the past two decades:
- it can be intensely cathartic to feel as if you are shouting into a void with no witnesses
- it feels good to know that other people may have witnessed your expression of self
- the sense of performance and competition changes the way in which you allow yourself to communicate
that said, i'm focusing on honing these ideas, and developing ttbp whlie i continue to think about what this all means.
some basic practical consequences:
- instead of an open comment feature, have the ability to mail a user directly in reseponse to an entry; then, a dialogue can happen in private without affecting future readers' perception of the original writing.
- limited view of metrics, without displaying global counters
i still feel unresolved about how to display global things in general. chronologically makes sense, but it neccessarily favors frequent posters. random shuffle seems appealing, but too arbitrary and chaotic. alphabetical reminds me about how often i got screwed in elementary school for queuing up to the snack table.
ordered data structures bias how we read and perceive things.
please feel free to sendmail me about your thoughts!