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~oskar's blog. Built with TTBP.
The homepage is here : /home/~oskar

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05 january 2025

Exams are stressful

I have exams in two days. It's kinda stressful... It's one of the first times ever that I experiment stress for exams. Usually I just don't really care that much, but this year my parents and my civil godfather are paying my studies in another city, so I really have to succeed for them.

Also I have experienced insomnia during this first sememster. So much that I missed quite a lot of lessons. Well, I don't know if you could call it insomnia. It's really bedtime procrastination, i.e. I push back on bed time because "I have stuff to do", util it's like 2 or 3 am...

Another factor is that I don't really like what I'm doing. I'm in third year of math, and it's not that I don't like math, but I didn't really get involved in some subjects (namely, topology and integration), so I didn't build any intuition, and now I don't have this grasp that you get when you start to really know a subject...

Physical supports are great

So, for christmas, my father gave me his old vinyl turntable. I already owned a few discs because I had a more-than-crappy turntable. Now I have a nice setup with a Thorens TD166 turntable, a NAD 3020 integrated amplifier (the speakers aren't great though, I'll have to change them).

This experience for listenig to music reminded me of a conclusion I already had : physical supports have a great feeling to them.

It's true for vinyl records vs digital music, but also for many other things :

The list goes on... I'm sure you can find an example you encountered.

I can find at least a few reasons to this, but I should really make a proper post about this !

Anyway, I really enjoy the whole process of searching for a record, getting it out of the cover, cleaning it, setting the arm... The whole thing is a great opportunity to take a break, and a kind of relaxing ritual.

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02 january 2025

happy 452 !

I really hope anyone reading this has had a wonderful year and will have as many other wonderful ones !

It's funny how we do a party just because our planet made a full revolution around the sun...

I'm french, and we have a pretty fucked up political situation here. Our president (Emmanuel Macron) did a talk for the new year. My friends made a bingo where they would try to predict each thing he would say, and get a shot of alcohol if they were right. They ended up matching almost all their predictions, even the most maddening ones... Our gouvernment really doesn't care about people...

BUT

I had a super nice party for the new year ! The best I can remember in fact ! It started at 7:30pm and ended at 9am, so it lasted more than 13h, and it was mad. We made each other presents for christmas because we had not seen each other since. I got a very nice book, "la pensée perverse au pouvoir" about politics and rhetorics. Some of my friends made presentations to do the retrospective of 2024, one of them was formatted like each friend of the group was a SCP anomaly.

Near the fireplace, we listened to some records with the newly repaired vinyl turntable. Having a physical support for data has something magic when you're born in the digital era.

One of the girls of the group got unsollicited half-naked pictures of a guy she had only wished happy new year to. We answered with a similar half-naked picture of... a guy in our group, and that was lots of fun. The same girl got a message from a guy that is basically harassing her, since she explictly told her she didn't like him. This one has the "racist" add-on, so he is particularily disgusting. For him, we made a message where we would take turns to say one word. This ended up in a very incoherent but funny message telling him that he is racist... I really hate how men think of women, and as a man myself, I hate how society makes me think about women. Hopefully we have a lot of feminist information nowadays, but I really wish I had been taught all these things at school instead of useless math (and don't get me wrong : I'm literally a student in math).

My feelings about this new year are mostly that I don't want to fail my studies. Math this year are quite hard, especially topology and integration. I really have to revise but I keep doing anything but my math. ADHD is so annoying for that reason... I've been having a lot of insomnia this year, that led me to miss a lot of lessos. I hope to regulate that next semester so I don't have to work so hard just the last few weeks.

I also have this ongoing love situation where I love a girl, and I keep trying to making it explicit (you know, with presents, telling her "I really like you" or "I'm very happy to know you"...) and she just doesn't react. I was expecting her to either stop talking to me (since we are not that close) or to make the situation clear, but really I could get no clue from her, and since time passes and we don't see each other much, I'm getting more and more resigned to accept a simple friendship instead.

This is one of the big techings of this year : friendship is very important. I used to overlook friendhsip, but this year, I changed the city were I study and I now come back only on weekends. This means I don't see my friends nearly as often as I used to. And I have really felt the gap. I'm starting to make new friends now, where I study, but a strong friendship takes time to build. I also listened to very interesting intervews about friendship, in a philosophical point of view. I discovered things like co-parenting : when two friends raise a child. The lesson I got from these is the same : friendship is overlooked as something less important, but is actually one of the most important type of relations (also, going out with your friends is known to be a huge factor for happiness).

Lastly, I have read ~tunas's blog, and it encouraged me to write more personnal messages blog posts to talk about my feelings, my state of mind... I know this can only make me feel better, so my only new year resolution will be to write some blog posts about how I feel. Thanks ~tunas !

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29 december 2024

After a long time without really connecting to tilde.town, I am trying to get involved into this community. I think that "botany" will help. It's a game where you need to water a virtual plant at least once every 5 days, and you get to see its ascii-art growing ! And if you know you will not connect, you can ask someone to water it for you !

I finally managed to get myself a parcel in the tilde town cadastre. I made a simple house, and I plan on drawing the inside and hiding details everywhere, including an old computer terminal that would lead on my tilde town homepage that imitates a CRT display. Actually, I just had a moment of fear, because a couple of html files from this page had disappeared from my filesystem. I was starting to think I had to rewrite everything when ~nebula bringed up an archive.org link to a backup of my website : my day was saved ! So thank you ~nebula !

I am supposed to work for my math exams, but I keep doing anything but maths. It's not that I don't like math, it's just that my ADHD brain doesn't want to do something if I have an obligation to do it. I know that the instant my exams will be done, I'll get actually interested into the subject of these exams.

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11 september 2023

Starting to talk in the town

I recently entered into ~tilde.town. At the beginning I was a little shy, not knowing if this community was really for me, worried about many small things like looking stupid in face of command line gurus.

But after a week or two of chatting time to time, I feel like this community is really cool. The main chat is just wandering between townies' stories, computer science and other cool stuff.

I did not get the time to explore the town creative stuff too deeply, but it sounds like the town is really a good place for creativity.

And most of all there are cool people here !

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05 september 2023

Smile !

Recently I started to try smiling. When I walk in the streets, or in the uni, I smile. In fact, I smile to people.

I don't think it really has a lot of effects on others (except people may think I'm silly).

But I really feel happier overall.

I'm not saying that if you are depressed, you should just smile and everything is gonna be alright. But I believe we don't smile enough. Actually, we don't have fun enough. Everyone walks across streets looking like they just had a funeral.

It is not your choice to be happy, but you can probably choose to add a bit of fun in your life, even with simple things.

:smile

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04 september 2023

Critical thinking is absent

I started recently to feel quite depressed about the lack of critical thinking in many places.

The other day, I looked at an interview of a guy that has a lot of culture, a lot of historical knowledge. That is very cool, and I'm always super excited about people that have knowledge ! But There was basically no reasoning behind it.

The university updated the internal rules of the CS department. I was also ashamed of the total lack of any thoughts about possible side effects of decisions, or possible hidden causes to some problems.

Globally, I see that a lot of people just use common sense as their only way to think. Common sense is sometimes true, but has no value in an argument. It feels like people just don't care about thinking correctly (and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying "young people are dumb", that is true for every generation).

Maybe I'm biased, maybe I'm just wrong, but I really feel like the whole society really needs more critical thinking, because it is really sad as it is now.

That is part of why I think we should be taught critical thinking (zetetic) at school.

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03 september 2023

Last day of holidays.

I have spent 2 months in new zealand, back in france 3 days ago. I still have some jetlag.

I am split between regret of these awesome holidays, excitation to return into university, desire for more freetime...

I hope that this year's lessons will be with more math and theorical computer science.

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02 september 2023

First post in this blog !

I just arrived in the ~tilde town !

I really love the idea of this place. The internet of the 90' always looked better to me, and I'm a text-only fan !

Tile Town's blogging engine (ttbp) is quite nice, and allows a very simple gestion of a text-only blog.

Why text only ?

I wanted for a while to make a blog. A more text-only blog. I already have a more "modern" blog here : osk42.quarto.pub (it's french). It's better for certain things : it "looks good", I can host my CV here, I can have stats of how many people visit it, I can experiment cool stuff... But it's also quite bloat, because it has to load js libraries and execute things on the client side. So it is also good to have a place where I can keep it simple.

Also, text-based information is much better for many reasons, as explained in this article from karl voit.

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