letter to my sister, Wang

Dear sister,

I noticed that you are happier these days. Are you in love?

But there is a difference between short-term thrills and long-term contentment. I pray that Jesus gives you discernment.

Thank you for your concern about where I will be in twenty years’ time, when my body would likely distract me too much with aches and pains and all kinds of (time-consuming) appointments with doctors (who would likely say, “It pains me to say this, but there is nothing we can do; and we are limited in our knowledge ourselves; our diagosis may be inaccurate.”)

I wonder, what was your childhood dream? Who were your role models, while growing up?

I feel no small sadness that we can’t talk much these days. I only see you once a month - every full moon - but you always seem distracted by your phone, and by men who talk a lot, and by women who call you their sister. I do see that you are a busy career woman, but I still yearn for more time with you - I feel frustrated.

I wonder why I should continuing seeing you. I am already busy enough without having our chats take up space in my busy schedule. I think I have to make a list of your attractive qualities, and unattractive qualities - while taking a similar look at myself - and see if we are a good fit for each other.

We are siblings, but there has to be boundaries - your unquenchable yearning for more luxuries in life, never belonged to me in the first place. You can continue working yourself to death and suffocation - dealing with unreasonable clients all the time - I give up trying to change you. I feel so angry. I feel so sorry for you. What a waste of your precious life.

I see now - I came into this world through you, but not from you - I came from life’s yearning for itself. I will remember you fondly, even in the light of your shortcomings - you are lovably imperfect, like your mother before you, and like every other human being.

You can keep your tea leaves, together with the great cloud of affluent men who indulge your very whim - I never liked tea that much - I go with the wind.

Remember that with God there is no favouritism - you reap what you sow - even if it is most bitter fruit. Choose your sowing materials carefully.

Whatever a compassionate friend ought to do, I have done. Do not be heedless. Fear God. From now on I am innocent of the blood on your hands and head; I have warned you enough.

Fare thee well, Wang of Fu-zhou.

I am ever with God my Father, and I write this as your sincere brother, BX