29 june 2025
the other day i saw this in a graffiti board (the one you can access thru feels)
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| |
| /\-/\/\-/\ | *despite everything, it's still you
|/( - ( \|
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i think this is really nice. it speaks to me.
in the middle of writing this feels post, i went back on that grafitti
board and just did a bunch of stuff for me. it was nice.
i made a car and a bird in a tunnel and a racetrack. i hope somebody
sees them and gets a moment of enjoyment.
my original point when i was writing this was that i want to be more involved around this town, and making things is definitely part of that.
but so is interacting with people, a thing that i do not feel confident in.
something that i know, is that i need to build connections with people.
i certainly feel it on here because this is a social place and i don't really have anyone i interact with regularly
but that's also just a reflection of the ways i feel it outside of here. now that i'm out of school, that easy route of social things doesn't exist anymore. so i have to make friends at work and friends outside, and neither of those is a thing i feel ready to do.
i know what the answer is, it's to put yourself out there more and say yes to things and get involved with activities that interest you. meet people.
it feels like there are a lot of things that i know what the answer is supposed to be, but i don't do it. like being more honest with myself and trying to transition and take care of myself rather than just being despondent towards my body.
and i can write that and know it to be true, i can hear my friend from college describe not transitioning as a fate worse than death, i can watch the people around me make plans for the weekend, but i can't seem to listen to any of it.
it starts to feel like an impossible list of requirements to do before i can be happy with my life.
this is another thing where i know what the answer should be. i should take things at my own pace, one step at a time, and not compare myself to others. but i fear that mindset will only lead to stagnation.
i am going to pull back to the message from a stranger.
* despite everything, it's still you.
there is truth here. it is still me, and maybe my own pace can still lead to somewhere that is fulfilling.