I still feel.

that's the name of a song by half•alive (yt). it's tangential at best, but I like it.

When I'm furthest from myself
Feeling closer to the stars
I've been invaded by the dark
Trying to recognize myself when I feel I've been replaced

in a way, that's what this is here for. A log of how I was then and how I am now, so I can bring myself back to earth.



06 november 2026

cheap eyeliner from the grocery store

it is easy to get in my head about presenting myself as a girl

i am a very anxious person, so i very quickly get in my head about how people are seeing me

lately I think I have been doing better about not letting that stop me as much.

i can just do things I think are nice and most people won't try to stop me

I'm sure I will encounter more weird transphobes if I shift to presenting myself in a way that is too mask off, probably people who I already knew and only thought I could trust because nothing about me bothered them.

it's probably better to know who they are, as long as I can stay safe.

so yeah, that's the plan.

gonna poke my eye and be crying a lot tonight, because I am sure lack of practice will screw me over. that's ok, you get better when you try.

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