13 march 2017
To start, I am trying a new thing in my writing where I begin every paragraph with "More importantly..." This way the reader knows that I think the next paragrah is even better than the last and I create a subtle,persistent, intensity. The last paragraph will be the most important paragraph, and there's no plateau or rest for the reader. Also, I finished up a book today where the author kept using "more importantly" in front of sentences, to make all his sentences seem super important, and I thought, "well, this is easy."
More imporantly, I want to tell y'all about how to use the lost and found at La Guardia. Short answer: you don't! If you ever lose any personal item at La Guardia, just forget it! Detach yourself from any positive feeling you once had for the item, and train your mind to actually forget you ever owned it. I, unfortunately, did not know this method and attempted this morning to pick up a beloved vest I'd left at the security line. This led to four hours in laguardia terminals and me texting my partner "I think I am in a nightmare," with full sincerity.
More importantly, I was hella prepared for picking up this item. Basically, I left my vest in the security line cos they made me run it through a separate conveyer than the rest of my clothes, and I just walked off like a fool after. As soon as I got on the plain, and realized my mistake, I texted my partner (hereafter known as A) if she could call the LGA TSA and let them know what's up. The TSA gave her a reference number and said I should pick it up in the Central Terminal.
More imporantly, I tried that once I got back to town. I took a Juno to the "Central Terminal" which turns out to be a colloquial term, as it's actually Terminal B. (which I actually love. I hope Terminal A is also known as the distant terminal and Terminal D as the cool terminal. All terminals should have multiple names for fun and ease!). So I find an aiport official and ask them if they know where the TSA lost and found is. "Which airline?" they ask. "I left my vest in the security line," I said, "So no airline lost and found would have it." "There's airline lost and founds." the man said, helfpully. "I understand this, but I am looking for the TSA one." "Oh, you want to go downstairs and ask a person in a yellow vest and they can tell you."
More importantly, I did go downstairs and found a yellow vester and asked them about a TSA lost and found. He looked at me super confused, asked me which airline cos airlines have lost and founds, and then said I should try upstairs. At this point I realized that the dude I talked to before had also been wearing a yellow vest, and so he wasn't really giving me advice so much as telling me to leave his floor and bother someone else. Which makes sense, I guess, but felt a little harsh and like I'd be stuck in this loop forever.. The downstairs vester said I could also try the help desk by the cabs, as they know more.
More imporantly, I then went to a help desk. Had basically the exact same conversation again (though I was getting used to it, and so was able to state my case pretty quickly and let them know, immediately, that I was part of no airline). The lady thought for a bit and then said, "Okay, but which airline did you fly out of?" "Delta" I said. "So you want to go to Terminal D." she said, "They have a lost and found there. "Oh. But I am looking for the TSA lost and found. They said to go to the Central Terminal." "No, you want Terminal D. What you'll do is leave here and cross the street and wait for the purple route. The purple route is a bus, that is actually blue, that'll takes folks every minutes to terminal D." I looked at her confused, so she repeated, "Just look for a blue bus and ask if it's purple and they'l take you to Terminal D."
More importantly, At this point I walked away and texted A that I feel like I'm in a nightmare. I called the LGA TSA and it went straight to voicemail. A is smart, though, and had also been calling them--but repeatedly until someone picked up, who(she told me later) was both angry and surprised that someone got through. A texted me the instructions as he gave them to her, which were:
- Go back to the second floor and head towards Southwest Airlines
- You will see a shop called "Discover New York". Look for the TSA agent outside of the shop.
- Tell them your story, and give them this phone number. They will call the lost and found.
- There is no actual lost and found to visit. We visit you. So someone will come with your vest if you follow the above steps. "Are you sure you heard him correctly?" I asked A, and she assured me she did, and so I trusted.
More importantly, at the top of the stairs was a Disover NY store, and there was a TSA agent just leafing through clothes on the rack! Like...she wasn't manning any sort of line or helping people through. She was just pretending to be shopping right outside of the store. I walked up and said excuse me, and she turned her face to look at me, then turned her entire body away and kept shuffling through the clothes. "Excuse me, I am looking for the lost and found. I called them, but they said I needed to talk to someone here?" At this , she turned around all super friendly, and says she doesn't know if they have a lost and found. "I have a nu.." i started to say "I'll check my phone, " she said, then immediately, "ah, there it is" and dialed a number. She talked to someone for a second, and then handed the phone to me to talk to the lady myself. I rattled off the reference number, and she said she would be down in 5.
More importantly, 10 minutes later a man walked by the Discover store holding my vest. I flag him down, and then show him two proofs of ID, and then makes me call A cos she was who had talked to before...and she then has to prove I am real, and then he hands me my vest.
More importantly, the vest is safe and sound and I am home and the next time I fly I am going to glue every article of clothing onto my body and elect for the patdown.
Epilogue: I don't think this more importantly thing works. The most important paragraphs were really just the first and last one. I apologize for misleading y'all.