26 august 2018
Just finished up a family trip to Seattle. It's big, it's loud, it's expensive, it's not home. I feel so much better about Portland (and living in the suburbs means access to Portland on my terms) and living here now that I've visited somewhere else.
There were good bits, though. I was astonished by the amount of diversity there. Just people going about their business being people. I know that happens here, but idk - it seemed almost amplified somehow in Seattle.
I'll be 41 soon, and I'm still ruminating on the idea of going on HRT. There's a vein of discourse where the thought of someone NB or "not sure" about HRT should avoid it like the plague (and subsquently, be avoided like the plague). There's a contrasting viewpoint, more supported by informed consent, that if you think HRT might be right for you, go ahead and go for it. There shouldn't be adverse physical changes from a low dose for the first month, and the potential for a positive reaction outweighs the potential impacts of a negative one.
I can either waste time not living my best possible life, or take a risk on whether something is right for me or not. There's this thing that happened around my 39th birthday where I looked in the mirror and decided that I didn't want to die as a grizzled old man. That somehow, the idea of myself as this patriarchal elder was so repugnant and sickening, that I needed to somehow avoid that fate. I need to take ownership of this meatbag that I drive around with my soul from day to day. And part of that may be trying to run it on a non-factory speced endocrine system.