01 september 2020
Well, it's September. It's my birth month, I'll be 43 this month.
Yesterday was the first time in a long while that I felt at peace in my body. It was a strange experience, but also really really good.
I forget how much I loathe summer and the heat until autumn is just around the corner. There are going to be a few more warm days this month, but knowing that will change soon is giving me some hope.
I see all these think pieces about how the United States is on the verge of becoming a totalitarian regime. I think it's already happened. We are keeping kids in cages. We are disappearing people off the streets. We have the most sophisticated intellegence network (powered in part by information that we're voluntarily feeding into it, thanks Google and Facebook).
I haven't left the house for something that wasn't a necessary errand since March. Okay, that's not entirely true. My spouse, kiddo, and I went to the nature park last month so that we could breathe in some fresh air from near the trees. I miss seeing all the reasons that we moved the Oregon - all the landmarks, all the nature, all the food, all the coastline. I miss it, but I'm not going to relax being careful and vigilant to go out and see it. If my spouse got covid, they'd probably be dead. I also cannot fathom the idea of being so irresponsible to cause the infection of people you love. I couldn't live with myself if I did that. It would haunt me.
It's early in the morning as I'm writing this, and I'm about to get ready for work. Work has been pretty steady, and the routine is both helpful and somewhat monotonous. This quarantine has been an exercise in patience, mindfulness, accepting what we can change and do right now. I'd like to see it end, but I am skeptical of the effectiveness of the vaccines that are going to be pushed on us as soon as clinical trials are done. I think I'd like to see them out in the wild for a few months and their effect on the infection and mortality rates before deciding that they are the right thing to do. Hopefully I'm not alone in that assessment.
Sorry, all the feels this morning. That's kinda how things are right now.