30 april 2022
Insomnia sucks. I always have thought of it as having the lightbulb on inside of the refrigerator when it is closed. My experience is usually that my brain just won't turn off, and the best thing to do is actually get up and try to do something. So - I got up at 3am this morning and listened to podcasts on my backlog.
I've got a lot going on. My spouse had a proceedure the Friday before yesterday to remove their toenails from their big toes because there was infection trapped underneath. It's been a long amount of healing, and while I enjoy being the person that is able to help and support, it also takes a lot out of me.
And then there's my father-in-law. He went into the hospital Thursday, and had double bypass coronary surgery yesterday. Last we heard the surgery went well and he's in the ICU healing.
The pandemic is eating away at my mental health. It's been months since a trip outside the house hasn't been a store or doctor trip. I'm kinda sick of it. Case counts in Oregon keep going up. The weather, however, is getting better and better and I'm very hopeful that as it improves, we are going to be able to get outside and do things with friends.
I am also feeling this desperate need for community, along with the feeling that I really struggle to put myself out there and believe that anyone else would actually like my authentic self. It's a recurring thing for me that tends to come in cycles. Hopefully I can do something about it really soon.