03 july 2022
I've been thinking a lot lately about hair, queerness, and working in tech.
My hair is currently saturated with bleach and sitting on top of my head. My spouse shaved the sides of my head, and my plan is to dye the rest of it a deep deep red. There's a bit there where hair is the thing about my body where I have been able to exert the most control. It's where I can express my bodily autonomy most easily. There's no need for a prescription to change my hair, just the willingness to go through the time and energy for the process of making it be what I want it to be.
I'm struggling with the aloneness of being queer and working in tech. I think I realized this morning that I'm having to figure out my own direction in my job mostly by myself. I mean, there are others that have some ideas about where to point me and what I should be doing, but the reality of it is that it's mostly self-directed. Kinda like beeing queer. Kinda like being trans. And instead of pursuing any sort of direction right now, I've been kinda stuck just doing whatever comes up.
Today is going to be this sort of "let's get everything done today so that we have nothing to do tomorrow" day, and that means all of my hair needs, household cleaning, and any sort of chores need to happen today. I like the idea of having the time free of obligations, but I'm a bit crusty about having to get any of it done.