05 july 2023
Sorry about the negativity. I have to be perfectly positive and dismissive of my problems irl or I risk isolation. If I limit the negativity to a blog probably nobody will ever see I can maintain the facade required to navigate a social space where I'm the only one languishing in poverty because getting and keeping a job is really hard when full body eczema impacts my ability to sleep, focus, and not look the "after" on those wonderful faces of meth posters they propogandize with.
The darkest thought I have is wishing more people had to deal with a severe chronic illness that made all the "just do x and y and you'll be fine easy peasy" advice obviously wrong.
Our wins shouldn't blind us to the diffculty the losers face. Not everyone is your cousin's friend you heard about who is just lazy and doesn't want to work. Not every hardships looks like the cookie cutter version of what you think a real struggle looks like. Not every person you see with the skin falling off their face is some monsterous drug user. But those views persists because it protect's life's winners from the ego shattering possibility that with slightly different circumstances they'd be the person on the street they sneer at.
If I survive this it will be with the cost of not being able to enjoy the distractions and selfishness that many "winners" delude themselves with.