10 august 2023
"When I get my life together, I'll stop being a hermit"
Being sick, needy, and poor is no way to meet people. Nor is it condusive to reaching out to people I haven't talked to in years. If I come out hiding now, it'll go like it did last time. Comfortable-but-not-rich friends back slowly away from the financial liability I represent. They'll stop talking about their future plans because talking about a vacation or a new house in front of me is rude. I don't even care if they did, but nothing I say about that is taken at face-value. Even if I completely minimize my present problems, they already know, and they feel as uncomfortable as if they were talking about food in front of a starving person. Eventually they just ghost.
I'm tired of this happening so I've resolved to remain isolated until I dig myself out of severe eczema and the poverty that inevitablly follows when working is impossible.
It's amazing how easily not having money or a job alienates. The people on the street, the way nobody sees them as people: it can happen to anyone and it happens long before you've officially lost everything.