19 december 2023

My process as a software developer

1. I conceptualize the task at hand in the form of a long comment or readme file.

2. In brainstorming fashion, write bullet points of things this code will need to accomplish in rough but not exact order.

3. Refine this process until I could hand this off to another developer and be reasonably certain they could complete the task.

4. Think about what this task is similar to. What algorithms will I need to use? What parts are fuzzy in their operation (this is generally where the fun parts are)? What parts are like something I've already done before?

5. If the task is complex, write a bullet point list of the first 10-20 things I will need to write.

6. Start going down the list. Notice I am very itchy. Start scratching my face. Forget everything I was doing. Several hours have passed. There are skin flakes everywhere. I am in pain and trying to tend to my self-inflicted scratch wounds so they don't get infected. Clean up the dead skin mess. Notice my computer is still on. Wtf is this code about? Slowly die because I haven't had a real job in years and min-wage jobs tell me "but you have a degree and you're an experienced developer, you'll quit as soon as you find a better job" while real jobs pass over me for having a massive resume gap and not fitting the company culture (read: eczema has severely disfigured my face so people assume I'm on drugs). Suddenly go from dying slowly to dying quickly one cold January night when the lack of money thing finally catches up.

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