06 january 2024
Massively dreading doing the self-promotion for the stupid thing I signed up for. I've been involved in short films, youtube stuff, music stuff, things like that, but the process of going out in the world and yelling HEY LOOK AT THIS THING I MADE was handled by someone else. It's hard to reconcile extreme hatred of advertising and propaganda with creating self-promotion for the algorithm that I am putting my life in the hands of.
They demand a sacrifice to Mammon! I hate it. I don't wish to add to the spectacle. I do not want to add more noise to drown own the signal. But that's the entire economy now. People who distract society from our collective peril and those those who deliver food to those people. Walking into the woods and waiting to die is still an option.
I live in a society that demands I reject my values if I wish to eat. Social
forces weed out people like me and reward the dick rocket men who don't even
understand basics like "trophic energy levels" or "finite resources". I'm
supposed to feel resigned to being a terrible hypocrite. I'm supposed to give
into the childishly smug argument of "If RATM has radical politics then why do
they sell music through Sony?!?". Well we're all fucking hypocrites and my
egotistical desire to be a good person is path I need to navigate carefully.
side tangent: It's weird how in art school we had to read Ad Busters and other "anti-the system we're signing up to support" content. The point wasn't to convince us that the system is bad, it was to numb us to criticism and adopt a blithe mans-gotta-eat mentality.