30 may 2024
re-re-recorded anti-podcast ep 2.
It made me reflect on a few things:
Perfectionism is a horribly limiting mode of being that doesn't even protect from the fears that lead to it. Nothing can ever be so perfect that it is immune to a negative reception or bad attention. My social anxiety encompasses any sort of "this is on your permanent record and anything you say can and will be held against you" type of output. Combined with the "prove I'm worthy of living indoors and eating everyday" aspect work has been for a long time, it's not surprising that writing, coding, and podcasting is so draining.
update: I just listened to the audio recorded. I thought wind was going to be the biggest problem but it turns out it's the breathing. In retrospect walking up a steep hill while trying to record audio turned out exactly how you might expect.
update 2: Since there is no way I'm going to release episode 2 tonight I went ahead and did a quick write up of my idea for converting car-centric places into walkable communities on substack.