21 may 2026
I would enjoy remaining housed. I hate that my chronic health problems have been the sole arbiter of deciding how stressfull that is. I'd like to not be in survival mode 75% of the time. I get why we don't revolt. By the time one is willing, they are too physically and mentally beat down to do anything but avoid being a burden on anyone else.
It was a beautifull spring day today. I experimented with allowing myself to acknowledge that I wish that I could enjoy it the way others do. I see them in the shops in the resturants. I can still clean up well enough to look like them, but I'm closer to the people standing on the street selling papers or pan handling. It's alienating to be between worlds as all my energy is burnt up trying to remain housed.
Asking for help and reciving silence or the socially acceptable dismissal with "hope you can work things out" has been more upsetting than the prospects of what inevitably happens to those who can't make rent. I'd like to at least outlive That piece of shit don... is that too much to ask?