27 june 2019
Summer hasn't been as happy as I'd hoped. I ended up going to Arizona and Las Vegas with a couple friends. A good day of nature and another day of not os much nature. The day after, I watched Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and it was kinda funny and relatable for the time. Outside of that I've been mostly moping. I miss my girlfriend (less than 2 months until I see her again) and I still feel tired, mentally, from the scool year. It's just been hard to start doing things. I made a small webpage and done some bug fixes here and there but I've mostly binged on Brooklyn 99 the last week. It's a pretty good show and I find myself actually laughing at a lot of the jokes.
Today, I'm in Brazil. I'm here for a month visiting my grandparents and I can't help but feel bad at how much they're spoiling me. They got a lot of good food and are kind of pampering me. I feel bad bc I feel like an extra burden on their daily lives and I'm not exactly a model grandchild. Anyways I was happy to eat passionfruit and an eggplant salad that my grandma always makes. I'm hoping being here will make me distracted enough from myself to be able to get some work done. My overall goal for this trip is actually to learn about my grandparents and their lives.
On the topic of distraction, this trip my go by slowly but as soon as I get back things are goona be really busy. I'm going to a conference and then another trip to Portland with my mom, and then my gf returns soon after. I'm kinda anxious at this exact moment because she sent me a message about "changing her life plans" and I have no idea what that might entail. Not to mention it that she also go really drunk last night and it also happens to be the day I was flying out. It just seems weird and I guess that's putting me on edge. I don't know. My feelings about her have been all over the place and I feel like I talk about her to much. She's one of the few things I feel strongly about and I guess that idea confuses me.
Update: Obviously, her change of plans was nothing to fret about. And after talking to her any anxiety I had was relieved. I think this is an example of a larger anxiety I've been feeling that she's away...