19 january 2019
Feels for 19 January 2019
Where to begin for today's feels...
I'm feeling rather smitten. Waiting for Alayna to get back from Louisiana so I can hug her again. I miss her...
I fell off the wagon yesterday. I'm trying to climb back on. Hopefully I can stay on this time. Nothing is guaranteed when you're an alcoholic.
I'm still not sure if I love Alayna or if I'm still infatuated. Time will tell I hope. It's not the same love as I have for Alex, but it's there... I think.
I'm stressed about the government shutdown. What if SNAP doesn't come in March? How will I eat? What the fuck will I do? The food banks will be packed to the brim with hungry mouths... I'm fucking terrified. Fuck 45. Fuck his damn wall. Fuck being broke.
As always, still wondering what the fuck to do with my life... Go back to med school? Get an engineering degree? I don't know. I do know I need to stop being a NEET.
Monday I will have an appointment to hopefully fix my hypothyroidism. I'm going to ask about going on Prazosin full-time, since it seems to help with my C-PTSD episodes, reduces the zoomies and hyperviglance, etc. I hope this can put me on the road to employment.
Alex read some body horror and she's really sensitive to that kind of thing. Ugh. I don't know how to help her.
I "fixed" the attic ladder today. I tightened up all the loose bolts. Hopefully it doesn't break on anyone or something.
Got a new desk for the garage and found a spot to put it next to the server rack. I plan to turn it into a work bench. Alayna can also use it for her laptop when she feels the need to introvert.
I swept up some of the garage and did more laundry. I still need to find a place to put kaniini's so Alayna can use the garage to introvert, and also vacuum the rug. I'll do that when I wake up, if I remember...
Life is so full of uncertainty... just gotta go with the flow. Maybe. It's worked for me so far, I guess. But it's left me feeling unfufilled.