05 february 2019
Fedi, sleep, and name feels
Three short things today.
Fedi feels
Fedi doesn't feel like a very safe place for people who are trans and straight or masculine. The amount of bias against straight people and men disturbs me. I'm sure there's mental gymnastics of "well, I didn't mean trans people!" there, but that doesn't really make it okay. It's no more okay than being ironically racist is okay, or mad at all black people "except a few cause they're cool."
It upsets me a lot because a lot of my trans friends are exactly these types. I don't want to invite them to fedi because I don't want them to feel unwelcome.
Sigh.
Sleep feels
Non-24 really fucking sucks. I feel like Alayna and Alex are chasing the wind all the time trying to keep up with me. Non-24 destroyed my relationship with Anna. Anna tried to keep up. It impacted their health badly. But trying to sleep normally impacted mine just as badly.
But if they don't, they won't see me a lot, because I'll be asleep when they're awake and vice versa...
Sigh.
Non-24 is ruining my life and I can do absolutely nothing to stop it.
Name feels
I was going to change my name this month, but I decided to hold off on it, since a friend promised to pay for it. Alex is getting hers done before me. I've been waiting 10 years and it feels so unfair. But most of those 10 years were me just being too chickenshit.
This is probably part of my greater trans feels that I finally feel like I can be myself now that I have other trans people IRL to support me. Having a mutual support network feels amazing. All trans people should have one. They deserve it.