05 july 2018

On call again. This is turning into my 4AM oncall journal, which is OK, I guess, right? :)

I feel like things are going really well for me lately. Almost feel bad saying that since a lot of what I read is about people being despreately unhappy or dealing with incredibly heavy shit. My heart goes out to each and every one of them.

My work situation is pretty great. I'm being challenged in ways I've never encountered before, but rather than being paralyzed by it, feeling drowned and overwhelmed in a wash of the immensity of it all, it's like I'm surfing! I take each challenge as it comes, do exactly as much as I can do as well as I can do it, and I'm being consistently rewarded for that!

It's crazy but it's almost like I NEEDED to struggle and fight and slog through the last 20 years of my career with all the ups and downs and all of it in order to actually be able to handle this moment.

I find myself thinking "Why didn't I do this/feel this way 20 years ago?" but maybe my younger self COULDN'T have done this or felt this way because I wasn't ready. Or maybe that's just an excuse?