05 june 2019
shaving game night alcohol
Wed Jun 5 12:54:55 EDT 2019
I finally did some of the shaving that I've been wanting to do. Basically, everything but my legs and arms are shaved and it's pretty nice. My fiancee has a good trick for stopping razor burn that I've been using: rub the area with a cotton ball soaked in rubbing alcohol (I think...), let it air dry a moment, and then spray it with unscented spray deodorant. It really works surprisingly well.
We had a game night last night with a friend (same friend from last time). It was fun for the most part, just lasted a really long time. We initially set out to have a reasonable end time (10:00 or 10:30pm), but when it was all said and done, it was 2 am, at which point I was exhausted (well, I was exhausted at 11:00 but even more so at 2:00). We've been playing a lot of Mario Kart 8 and I really like it more each time I play. The mechanics at first felt really off and inaccurate, but now that I know the mechanics a lot better, I'm loving how they actually play out.
My fiancee has a problem with alcohol which in turn means that I have a problem with it (i.e. that it affects her, affects me). Thankfully, we're past the stage of box wines (those should just go away, they aren't doing anyone any good). After the last box wine incident, we both agreed that it just needs to stop completely. Of course, I'm a bit of a pushover and wine started creeping back into use again. It did then stay at the almost reasonable sized bottles (750 mL) but of course, the flavor she likes is "only sold in the big (1500 mL) bottles" so we had to get those. And then she goes and abuses it again last night by drinking the whole thing in one night.
It's just so frustrating. I don't want to be the asshole, but I have to be because this isn't going to stop. And that I'm a pushover isn't going to stop either. Maybe that's the part that's the most frustrating: that I know I'm a part of it by enabling her.
One part I really dislike is that, because of her abuse of it, I also can't have any. I don't drink often but I do like to have a good beer now and then. But then I feel bad because I'm telling her not to drink but then it's okay if I drink. Well, I haven't abused it repeatedly; I haven't lost the privilege of having it. Of course, that's not really a positive mindset to have about the whole thing, but that's why I'm here complaining and not complaining directly to her.
Complaining about it isn't going to help, only actually doing something will. And I think I'm ready to just cut all alcohol out of our house. I've tried it before, but maybe really writing it down will help me stick to it. I'll throw out my beers, throw out vodka, throw out wine, whatever I need to, and we'll just keep it out. Usually I go soft and say "well it's fine if we're out, so sure, you can have this cocktail" but I think I'm done with that too.
This whole alcohol thing can't keep being a daily occurence. If we do have more, it's going to be a special occaision, but not until we've really had a while away from it. Maybe that will be a month, maybe two, I don't know.
I'm just really tired of being walked over about this and want it to stop. I want those nice evenings where we just enjoy each other's company, not this "how do I get drunk the fastest" thing.
And I know that one of the main reasons she drinks is that she doesn't feel happy about how she looks, which I can relate to. But I've been really trying to be there for her, to make her feel special so that she doesn't feel the need to drink her bad feelings towards herself away, and I don't know, maybe I'm just not doing a very good job of that.