27 may 2022
Stevie Nicks's birthday was yesterday. This post brought to you by Stevie Nicks
Hey. So, I turned 20 over a month ago. The things that have happened over the last month sure have been happening!!!!
Major developments: School year ended, grades are fine, I am very much physically disabled and over the last month my physical strength and joint pain and flare ups have been increasing to the point I can't walk on two legs to the bathroom without needing to lean on the wall.
I'm "staying the summer" at the dorm at my college for a summer archaeology program but honestly like... I'll give it a go, I'll see what I think, but I think that I will be hitting da bricks maybe day 2 or 3, who knows. So. Quitting my summer course that I was excited for. Hrm. I'm sad that I can't do the course because of where I am with my disability at this point.
I'm hoping that taking the summer off, that months of rest, and hopefully hopefully some sort of physical therapy will make me feel more physically well. It's painful. It sucks to deal with this every day. It makes cooking for myself really hard.
Family will be picking me up soon. Whole host of emotions about that. I'll probably be getting a plane ticket back home early actually. Sunk cost fallacy cause I already bought one for the day that I expected the program to end but like. i'm here now. fuck it. (Family picking me up do not live in the place I call home for context, different situation)
Polyamory!!!! Lesbian polyamory!!! Lesbian toyotathon and gay ass kia summer sales event!!!! Me and my partner discussed and opened up to polyamory and now we have a Herbe Enjoyers groupchat and I have had so much amazing lesbian sex oh my fucking god~
Super confident. Love all my friends. Honestly?
I got there. I'm okay. I'm past the threshold of okay :) I'm consistently okay now and I'm confident in myself and my choices and I know what's best for myself and I feel safe enough to just rest. I finally feel safe enough to rest.
Massive shifts in terms of trusting myself lately. I use weed and I'm okay with that. I actually really like how I had my journey that helped me consciously acknowledge how I use and experience sobriety. Chronic pain is da BITCH tho and I really like being at least a little high anyway so. I feel fine. I'm proud of how I got sober and I'm also okay with what I'm up to now.
I like myself. I love myself I dare say! And more than that I'm intentionally loving every person I've ever been. I've decided there's no version of me that I don't love with my whole heart. I've realized that more than anything. It took a very long time.
I believe in my own talents and awesomeness and I feel safe and things are so full of potential here in may. 2022 is me being very happy and choosing myself and advocating for myself always. Took big practice but fuck yeah!!!!
Anxiety sure lately with the dorm move. Hard to move dorms when disabled. Hoping my exit from college will be graceful, and I know it'll be swift.